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Scots vote to stay in UK ‘…through no fault of their own’

Despite figures released by the Scottish National Party (SNP) showing that 100% of all registered voters had selected Independence, Scottish people were surprised to awaken on Friday to the status … Continue reading

September 22, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Nick Clegg sounds out new Coalition partners’

WINNER: ‘Nick Clegg sounds out new Coalition partners’ (from pinkyaks)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 20th Sept 14 RUNNERS UP: ‘Now children, do any of you know … Continue reading

September 21, 2014 · 1 Comment

Home Office admits a cheaper border control would have been ‘one casual racist’

Having had the embarrassment of squandering millions on a failed e-borders programme and a subsequent arbitration settlement, the UK Government has reached the conclusion that a simpler more inexpensive approach … Continue reading

September 19, 2014 · Leave a comment

Minecraft to follow the success of Bing and Windows Vista

The software firm, Mojang, was excited to announce a $2.5bn synergy between their smash-hit computer game and the pretension of a ‘decision engine’. The Swedish firm hope that the US … Continue reading

September 18, 2014 · 1 Comment

Bear Grylls to sue George Foreman for Grill infringement

Having successfully litigated against the commercial use of the word Bear in association with knife manufacture, Mr. Grylls has instructed the law firm of Carpmaels and Ransford to stop the … Continue reading

September 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

Piers Morgan beheaded by CNN

In a copycat killing designed to reassure their shareholders, the Cable News Network (CNN) has released a grainy YouTube video purporting to be the ritual slaying of the ‘beloved’ television … Continue reading

September 16, 2014 · Leave a comment

U2 to offer a free iPhone 6 with every album

In a futile attempt to appear relevant, boost sales and ‘keep Adam Clayton in hair dye’, the Irish rock band have been forced to entice listeners with an ever increasing … Continue reading

September 15, 2014 · 2 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘I’m an Angel but God was drunk when he got to my feet.’

WINNER: “I’m an Angel but God was drunk when he got to my feet.” (from R.Wood)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 13th Sept 2014 RUNNERS UP: ‘I … Continue reading

September 14, 2014 · 5 Comments

Nick Clegg to use everyone’s paternity leave next year

Anticipating he will have a lot of ‘free time on his hands’ after the next election, the Deputy Prime Minister has volunteered to provide round-the-clock support to all new parents. … Continue reading

September 12, 2014 · Leave a comment

Tories to defend UK’s borders with ‘full force’…just not Scotland

David Cameron has pledged to utilize the full strength of Britain’s armed forces in tackling terrorism, immigration and badgers. However a spokeswoman for the Prime Minister was hesitant on his … Continue reading

September 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Seasonal Bargain from the Flibbertigibbet Shop

As the countdown begins for the new Flibbertigibbet annual* and in a desperate effort to support the spiralling cost of a crystal meth addiction, Wrenfoe is offering last year’s book … Continue reading

September 10, 2014 · Leave a comment

Alcoholic drinks to carry mug-shot of Mel Gibson

An All-Party Parliamentary Group has recommended that, rather than ambiguous health warnings, all bottles containing alcohol should depict career suicides to emphasize the perils of drink. There will be a … Continue reading

September 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

Public warned not to download naked photos of Steven Seagal

Fear has gripped online users who may have, in a furtive attempt to view intimate erotica of Jennifer Lawrence ‘before their family comes home’, inadvertently downloaded explicit images of Hollywood’s … Continue reading

September 8, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Russia furious with French suggestion for Warship replacement’

WINNER: Russia furious with French suggestion for Warship replacement. (from Al OPecia)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 6th Sept 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Risk of avian flu underestimated’ (from … Continue reading

September 7, 2014 · 7 Comments

Pitt and Jolie announce wedding but keep their partner’s identity secret

In news that has set gossip columnists’ tongues wagging, Hollywood’s favourite heartthrobs have revealed they have ‘tied the knot’ but have given no indication as to whom. This riddle, wrapped … Continue reading

September 5, 2014 · Leave a comment

Exposure to 70’s entertainment and Sun journalism leads to prison suicides

The Justice Secretary, Chris Grayling, has denied claims that the prison service is in ‘crisis’ due to a rising population of 70’s DJs and NewsCorp employees depressing existing inmates, with … Continue reading

September 4, 2014 · 6 Comments

Will Self claims he could have written Kate Bush’s songs – ‘only better’

Having already dismissed George Orwell’s contributions to twentieth century literature, as ‘mediocre’, Mr. Self has humbly explained why other artistic icons are not worthy to be considered a genius. To … Continue reading

September 3, 2014 · 2 Comments

Cameron raises terror threat level from ‘Boring’ to ‘Arms industry needs sales’

Despite the risk of being sued by Aesop for stealing the plot to ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’, the Coalition Government has once more increased alert levels of a risk … Continue reading

September 2, 2014 · 3 Comments

UK starts advertising for Scotland’s replacement

In the aftermath of Alex Salmond shouting Alistair Darling into submission, the remaining parts of the British Isles have resigned themselves to the fact that its time ‘to move on’ … Continue reading

September 1, 2014 · 4 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘Spiderman and his family had really let themselves go in recent years’

WINNER: ‘Spiderman and his family had really let themselves go in recent years’ (from Pinkyaks)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 30th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘You can’t … Continue reading

August 31, 2014 · 3 Comments

Reality TV needs to be more inclusive for Eton & Oxbridge graduates

A Social Mobility Commission study has discovered that those who really run the UK are woefully under-represented on the only thing that matters to the British public – Talent Shows … Continue reading

August 29, 2014 · Leave a comment

The rest of the world needs to stop depressing us, complains UK‏

Just as the Summer Hols passes its zenith, many British holidaymakers have been left frustrated by the international community’s failure to ‘chill out’ and ‘…enjoy the start of the Premiership … Continue reading

August 28, 2014 · 2 Comments

Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏

UKIP members in the Kent constituency of South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having … Continue reading

August 27, 2014 · 6 Comments

Extremist groups mobilize over the cost of a three-bedroom house in London

New research by the Home Office suggest that Islamic State militants attempt to found a caliphate in northern Iraq may be motivated by the spiralling cost of the UK’s rental … Continue reading

August 26, 2014 · Leave a comment

Bank of England’s Monetary Policy Committee to pursue ‘solo careers’

In news that will devastate investment bankers and teenage girls in equal measure, the MPC have announced they plan to split over interest rate rises and to take time out … Continue reading

August 25, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Hello… the teachers on strike again are they?’

WINNER: ‘Hello… the teachers on strike again are they?’ (from Inchcock)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 23rd August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Three pretty girls get A-level results.’ (from Al … Continue reading

August 24, 2014 · 4 Comments

Israel sends ‘peacekeepers’ to Ferguson, Missouri

After decades of military support from the US, the Israeli Government has said it is now their turn to reciprocate; by bringing ‘…peace, prosperity and a lot of rocket fire’ … Continue reading

August 22, 2014 · Leave a comment

Man Utd fans banned from looking at football results

In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Man Utd officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and ‘any access to the league table’ … Continue reading

August 21, 2014 · Leave a comment

Assange leaves embassy to become Crystal Palace’s new manager

Despite having been trapped in the Ecuadorean embassy since June 2012, the lure of taking over London’s tenth most important football club has proved too much for Julian Assange. His … Continue reading

August 20, 2014 · Leave a comment

Death on expensive holidays tops the list of things ‘we have no sympathy for’

August marks that time of year when British holidaymakers begin their annual cull by leaping drunkenly from balconies, ignoring ski helmets or by combining scuba diving with outboard motors. Naturally … Continue reading

August 19, 2014 · Leave a comment

US to release Greatest Hits; from ‘Iraqi Nights’to ‘The ballad of George III’

Members of the music press were delighted to hear that President Barack Obama has agreed to a compilation of military successes from the US back catalogue. Many die hard fans … Continue reading

August 18, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Iraq? I’ll get my coat’

WINNER ‘Iraq? I’ll get my coat’ (from JemmaZing45)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 16th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘To the bat cave!’ (from Katkitkatkit) ‘Obama refused … Continue reading

August 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

World mourns Robin Williams in 140 characters or less

While the well-loved actor and comedian sadly took his own life at 63, the world’s grief seems to have been condensed into a series of trite sound-bites. Despite his participation … Continue reading

August 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

House Republicans to sue the poor

Having passed a resolution to sue President Barack Obama for constitutional over-reach, the US House of Representatives has decided to extend their frivolous litigation to include anyone ‘…who makes us … Continue reading

August 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Teenage boy admits he may have eaten the last of the cereal‏

In a shock announcement, an unnamed fifteen year old boy from Cirencester has confessed to relatives that he, rather than ‘a plague of locusts’, is responsible for the recent decimation … Continue reading

August 13, 2014 · 8 Comments

Nazi sex parties not as forgettable‏ as one first hoped

As ex-Formula 1 boss Max Mosley attempts the type of convoluted revisionism that his father, Oswald, would have been grateful for; historians have been left to ponder – just how … Continue reading

August 12, 2014 · 2 Comments

Official singles chart to count high-pitched screaming‏

For the first time ever, alongside streaming services, teenagers emitting ultrasonic squeals of delight will be used in calculating album and singles sales. Pant wetting, fainting and ‘poster kissing’ will … Continue reading

August 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Boris Johnson denied that London’s buses were underfunded’

WINNER: ‘Boris Johnson denied that London’s buses were underfunded’ (from KillerzBuild)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 9th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Sorry chaps. We have to go … Continue reading

August 10, 2014 · 1 Comment

Seven seconds of exercise too much effort

A recent pilot study of pensioner’s health has raised fears that scientists are competing to offer the public effortless routes to eternal life. The new claim that six seconds of … Continue reading

August 8, 2014 · 2 Comments

August reminds teachers how much they love teaching

As their second week of holiday looms, ink stains fade and the Prozac leaves their system most teachers are reminded just how rewarding their job is if only they could … Continue reading

August 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

US to introduce border height restrictions

In order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches ‘Sesame street’, needs … Continue reading

August 6, 2014 · 4 Comments

Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die

Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of … Continue reading

August 5, 2014 · Leave a comment

Increase in sham weddings blamed on Tom Cruise

It is now estimated that of the UK’s 2,135 suspect weddings, Hollywood stars may be responsible for a much as two thirds of fake marriages. The Commons Home Affairs Select … Continue reading

August 4, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Anonymous research into why chickens cross roads’

WINNER: ‘Brave New World Club: Anonymous research into why chickens cross roads’ (from Pierian Dodo)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 2nd August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Top … Continue reading

August 3, 2014 · Leave a comment

Chimpanzees translate Lindsay Lohan

Researchers claim that wild chimpanzees have a lexicon of 66 gestures designed to explain the bewildering behaviour of America’s favourite actress, model and lush. Through a measureable system of communication, … Continue reading

August 1, 2014 · Leave a comment

Russia phones National Bullying Helpline

In the weepy small hours of the weekend, the peoples of the Russian Federation jammed phone lines with complaints of harassment and online bullying by members of the UN. In … Continue reading

July 31, 2014 · 2 Comments

British Gas may have sold Gas

Energy markets were thrown into confusion over revelations that the UK’s biggest supplier of nuisance phone calls, spurious bills and mis-sold contracts may have inadvertently provided ‘actual energy’ to their … Continue reading

July 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Israel shuns peace deal in favour of a good PR firm

The Israeli Knesset has rejected the Gaza peace proposal put forward by US Secretary of State, John Kerry, in favour of a modest 12-hour truce – purposely designed to be … Continue reading

July 29, 2014 · Leave a comment

Public devastated to discover Gove not a paedophile‏

Despite a child protection manager alleging over 20 prominent ministers were serial abusers, British parents have been left distraught by the fact Michael Gove had ‘…absolutely nothing to do with … Continue reading

July 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

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