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Season’s Greetings … BUY MY BOOK!!!

Ello, Folks. Flibbertigibbet News is hibernating for the festive period but will be back in the New Year with more appallingly written stories. In the mean time I hope Santa brings … Continue reading

December 16, 2014 · 2 Comments

Nigel Farage fears ‘rivers of congestion’

Alluding to Enoch Powell’s prophetic warning in 1968, the UKIP leader claimed that Britain’s waterways will soon be clogged up with east Europeans on barge holidays. Speaking to supporters, Mr. … Continue reading

December 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘High winds in Scotland disrupt Christmas Tree sales’

WINNER: ‘High winds in Scotland disrupt Christmas Tree sales’ (Al OPecia)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 13th Dec 2014 RUNNERS UP: ‘I’m giving up fir trees … Continue reading

December 14, 2014 · 2 Comments

George Osborne to bring back Rickets‏

As he rolls back public finance to the 1930s, the Chancellor announced a return to a golden age of austerity. Buoyed by the overwhelming support for his attempt to recreate … Continue reading

December 12, 2014 · 5 Comments

Brown quits to become Jordan’s new ghost-writer

With the untimely demise of Kate Price’s sole ghost-writer, the Scottish curmudgeon and one time Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has offered to take over the literary mantle. Stepping down from … Continue reading

December 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Riots as US runs out of bullets

At 1.36 Eastern Standard Time the United States of America officially declared that they had run out of ammo. The ensuing chaos has seen riots and looting in twelve major … Continue reading

December 10, 2014 · 7 Comments

Festive Jumpers: Are they the new black?‏

What’s snuggly, fun and covered in Santas? Of course, the answer is Stripper Elves; but to some it is festive jumpers. Up and down the country, designers ask the same … Continue reading

December 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

Turkish President claims not all Presidents are equal

Recep Tayyip Erdogan has made a bold claim that not all State Leaders are elected equally. Gesturing to his own $350 million (€270 million) Presidential residence, Mr. Erdogan made it … Continue reading

December 8, 2014 · 5 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘…and so, as a reminder, for next year’s AGM please attend it in a dress like me’

WINNER: ‘…and so, as a reminder, for next year’s AGM please attend it in a dress like me, and remember, ‘it ain’t true unless I say so’.Thank you’ (from Runny Porridge) … Continue reading

December 7, 2014 · 2 Comments

Time travellers plan to kill Hitler for being a bad artist

As Hitler’s ‘Altes Rathaus’ is sold for $161,000 at a Nuremberg auction, many amateur scientists have promised to invent time travel for the sole purpose of murdering the Führer before … Continue reading

December 5, 2014 · Leave a comment

Ransom demand for Lib Dem ministers to be ignored

Amid strident measures to tackle home grown terrorists, the Home Secretary has declared that insurance companies may not pay for hostages such as Nick Clegg, Vince Cable and ‘the Ginger … Continue reading

December 4, 2014 · 2 Comments

We can’t bear bare bears

With a partially clothed Winnie-the-Pooh being banned in Poland and Paddington Bear’s new film containing ‘mild sex references’; the nation has been forced to ask – Can we bar the … Continue reading

December 3, 2014 · Leave a comment

UK unaware of previous moon landings

Alongside Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and good dental hygiene the British people have long been hidden from the truth that the US put a man on the moon in … Continue reading

December 2, 2014 · 2 Comments

England refuse to win the World Cup in protest

In a bold statement of principle, the English Football Association has agreed to forego any chance of winning a trophy in order to pressure FIFA into reforming. Despite knowing that … Continue reading

December 1, 2014 · 2 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘Lucas denies budget cuts for new Star Wars movie’

WINNER: ‘Lucas denies budget cuts for new Star Wars movie’ (from jj77oops) This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 29th Nov 2014 RUNNERS UP Klangers complain about rise of … Continue reading

November 30, 2014 · 2 Comments

Band Aid torn between Ebola and Duck Flu‏

While parts of Africa are ravaged by disease, many music experts think there is more marketing potential in tackling the plight of the ducks of East Yorkshire. To this end … Continue reading

November 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

We now only trust animals to sell us stuff‏

Sociologists and Advertising Executives have reached the conclusion that the general public has become so jaded and cynical, that only ‘woodland folk’ can reach our hearts and pockets. Be it … Continue reading

November 27, 2014 · 8 Comments

Banks had better things to do with our money than put robots on comets

Despite costing a meagre 1.4 billion euros (£1.1 billion) and possibly changing the course of human civilization, the banking community has been quick to dismiss the Rosetta Space mission as … Continue reading

November 26, 2014 · Leave a comment

Secret Santa is a money laundering scheme

The world’s favourite office tradition has been revealed to have a darker side. Police investigating the movement of illicit drug and arms deals, have discovered that the majority of funds … Continue reading

November 25, 2014 · Leave a comment

Surprise that only 1 in 10 sausages have Hepatitis E

Disappointingly only a small percentage of processed pork meat products in England and Wales cause an acute infection. With a mere 10% potentially infected with a virus that uses the … Continue reading

November 24, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Always knew he was cardboard cut-out’

WINNER: ‘Always knew he was cardboard cut-out.’ (R. Wood)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 22nd Nov 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘America Flash sale – Everything must go!’ (from … Continue reading

November 23, 2014 · 5 Comments

Banned skiing violinist may be the poshest thing you have ever heard of

For members of the public more accustomed to playing the kazoo and holidays in Blackpool, the social angst of losing violin and skiing privileges may seem somewhat niche. Yet international … Continue reading

November 21, 2014 · Leave a comment

Bitcoins to be replaced with Lego (Flibbertigibbet News 2014)

Don’t waste your hard earned cash buying Christmas presents for free-loading relatives and kids that are clearly going to put you into a care home one day. Instead, invest 99p … Continue reading

November 20, 2014 · 2 Comments

Miliband declares victory in US Midterms‏

Much to the surprise and delight of the Labour faithful, their leader announced sweeping gains in the US Senate. Despite being separated by a political ideology and 3000 miles of … Continue reading

November 19, 2014 · Leave a comment

Navy Seal claims he shot Bin Laden but ‘…didn’t shoot no deputy, oh no! Oh!’

US commandos and Bob Marley fans are openly squabbling over who fired the shot that killed the al-Qaeda leader. There are varying accounts of what happened on that fateful raid, … Continue reading

November 18, 2014 · 2 Comments

Men happy to sit in Beckham pants drinking Beckham whiskey‏

Style and body conscious men have been united in their support of David Beckham™’s new Haig Club whisky advert. Not only does it open the door for the metro-sexual male … Continue reading

November 17, 2014 · 2 Comments

Caption Competition: The annual chocolate knob award for 2014 onwards goes to FIFA, FIFA, FIFA, FIFA…

WINNER: ‘The annual chocolate knob award for 2014 onwards goes to FIFA, FIFA, FIFA, FIFA…’ (from Squudge)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 15th Nov 2014 RUNNERS … Continue reading

November 16, 2014 · 1 Comment

Rise in orphans linked to Theresa May’s dream of casting ‘Annie’

With the number of children living in temporary accommodation at a three-year high, it has become self-evident that the Home Secretary is socially engineering a nation of plucky, red-haired waifs. … Continue reading

November 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Home Office asks for advice on how to fix an Inquiry

With regret Home Secretary Theresa May has conceded that she has run out of ‘dodgy’ candidates to appoint to chair the Inquiry into Historic Child Abuse. Having lost Baroness Butler-Sloss … Continue reading

November 13, 2014 · Leave a comment

George Osborne declares himself half-man half-prophet half-mathematical genius

Twenty four million UK tax payers are being sent, by the Treasury, a breakdown of Government spending – which has all the transparency of a Conservative Donor list. With the … Continue reading

November 12, 2014 · 2 Comments

Tim Cook – Proud to be gay but not proud of iTunes

Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: … Continue reading

November 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

11 Nov – A nation remembers where it left last year’s poppy

Recalling the World War I armistice, people of the Commonwealth will observe a minute’s silence, while they scramble around looking for the poppy they accidently paid for in 2002. For … Continue reading

November 10, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: Village People re-boot

WINNER: ‘Village People re-boot’ (from Sweetspot6)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 8th Nov 2014 ‘Mary Quant’s new collection proved  controversial’ (from SmileyMyrus) ‘UN Security Council on … Continue reading

November 10, 2014 · Leave a comment

UK troops leave Afghanistan…for now

British troops, whose moto is ‘I’ll be back!, temporarily handed back control to the Afghan security forces. With all the commitment to withdrawal of a Catholic priest or a boomerang, … Continue reading

November 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

Tory tax avoidance extends to the EU

Prime Minister David Cameron has found himself to be £1.7bn in arrears with the European Union. Unfortunately, the usual Conservative tactics of fiddling inheritance, offshore banking or declaring expenses as … Continue reading

November 6, 2014 · Leave a comment

Ebola doesn’t seem so bad now Miranda has ended‏

UK authorities, having channelled its military resources into combating the threat of BBC sitcoms, have announced a significant victory against the threat of canned laughter. While killer diseases reach pandemic … Continue reading

November 5, 2014 · Leave a comment

Boko Haram breaks speed dating protocols‏

Nigeria’s infamous militant chaperon service has caused an international outcry by ignoring all matchmaking etiquette. Those notorious singletons, Boko Haram, have been attacking villages, abducting the female populace and refusing … Continue reading

November 4, 2014 · Leave a comment

Pregnant Duchess vows to be ready for Spring Watch cameras

Emerging bleary eyed, from her subterranean lair, the Duchess of Cambridge has made her first public appearance since the onset of morning sickness. Royal Bird watchers were delighted to see … Continue reading

November 3, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘The Duplo Occupy Wall Street campaign was much more chaotic’

WINNER: ‘The Duplo Occupy Wall Street campaign was much more chaotic’ (from Sinty17)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 1st Nov 2014 RUNNERS UP: ‘Kevin learned that hallucinogenics … Continue reading

November 2, 2014 · 1 Comment

Sex originated in Scotland and will probably end there

An international team of researchers have concluded that copulation, as we know it, will soon come to a shameful end: ‘…sometime on a Friday night, up against a wheelie bin … Continue reading

October 31, 2014 · 2 Comments

Tories to stop Santa migration by Christmas

David Cameron has announced plans to curb the flood of European migrant workers, specifically 4th-century Greek bishops, from invading our homes. The Prime Minister has promised to apply an ‘emergency … Continue reading

October 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Top-secret plane returns after two-year mission to avoid TV finales

An unmanned US space plane has landed in California, having completed its task to see if circumventing pop culture references and season ends have any impact on our ability to … Continue reading

October 29, 2014 · Leave a comment

Public mistake The Walking Dead for the media’s Ebola coverage

Seventeen million Americans tuned into the fifth season of AMC’s post-apocalyptic horror show, on the deluded assumption that it was a public information film created by Fox News. As actor … Continue reading

October 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

Mexico relieved to confirm recent mass grave is just a ‘run of the mill’ mass grave

Despite security forces unearthing 28 corpses near Iguala, south of Mexico City, DNA tests prove conclusively that it is ‘…someone else’s problem’. Law enforcement officials breathed a collective sigh of … Continue reading

October 27, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘So how high are you right now?’

WINNER: ‘So how high are you right now?’ (from kinginascendent)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 25th Oct 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘They used to be members of UKIP yer … Continue reading

October 26, 2014 · 2 Comments

Last clothed selfie sent in 2009‏

With hundreds of thousands of naked images being hacked and leaked via forums on ‘4chan’, law enforcement agencies have concluded that 99% of all photos are now of the ‘naked … Continue reading

October 24, 2014 · Leave a comment

Saying ‘Cheryl Cole’ three times will kill you, confirms security firm

Cheryl José de la Concordia García Márquez Ann Fernandez-Versini, or ‘Coley’ for short, has been identified as the UK’s ‘most dangerous online celebrity’. Not only do internet searches for the … Continue reading

October 23, 2014 · Leave a comment

New ‘Dad’s Army’ cast ill-prepared for Ebola storyline

Scriptwriter Hamish McColl has been told that he needs to ‘reboot’ his big-screen remake of the 70’s sitcom, in a way that reflects the perils of modern warfare. To this … Continue reading

October 22, 2014 · 6 Comments

Shia LaBeouf to have his head surgically removed from his arse for next role

While many might balk at Mr. LaBeouf’s ‘Method’ approach to acting, others have applauded his decision to remove the swelling ego that had nestled in his ‘rectum-like cavity’. Not only … Continue reading

October 21, 2014 · Leave a comment

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