Flibbertigibbet News

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Caption Competition

Readers of Flib are asked to submit their caption for this week’s image via the reply button or a direct message to @Wrenfoe on twitter. The closing date for the … Continue reading

August 23, 2014 · 2 Comments

Israel sends ‘peacekeepers’ to Ferguson, Missouri

After decades of military support from the US, the Israeli Government has said it is now their turn to reciprocate; by bringing ‘…peace, prosperity and a lot of rocket fire’ … Continue reading

August 22, 2014 · Leave a comment

Man Utd fans banned from looking at football results

In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Man Utd officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and ‘any access to the league table’ … Continue reading

August 21, 2014 · Leave a comment

Assange leaves embassy to become Crystal Palace’s new manager

Despite having been trapped in the Ecuadorean embassy since June 2012, the lure of taking over London’s tenth most important football club has proved too much for Julian Assange. His … Continue reading

August 20, 2014 · Leave a comment

Death on expensive holidays tops the list of things ‘we have no sympathy for’

August marks that time of year when British holidaymakers begin their annual cull by leaping drunkenly from balconies, ignoring ski helmets or by combining scuba diving with outboard motors. Naturally … Continue reading

August 19, 2014 · Leave a comment

US to release Greatest Hits; from ‘Iraqi Nights’to ‘The ballad of George III’

Members of the music press were delighted to hear that President Barack Obama has agreed to a compilation of military successes from the US back catalogue. Many die hard fans … Continue reading

August 18, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Iraq? I’ll get my coat’

WINNER ‘Iraq? I’ll get my coat’ (from JemmaZing45)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 16th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘To the bat cave!’ (from Katkitkatkit) ‘Obama refused … Continue reading

August 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

World mourns Robin Williams in 140 characters or less

While the well-loved actor and comedian sadly took his own life at 63, the world’s grief seems to have been condensed into a series of trite sound-bites. Despite his participation … Continue reading

August 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

House Republicans to sue the poor

Having passed a resolution to sue President Barack Obama for constitutional over-reach, the US House of Representatives has decided to extend their frivolous litigation to include anyone ‘…who makes us … Continue reading

August 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Teenage boy admits he may have eaten the last of the cereal‏

In a shock announcement, an unnamed fifteen year old boy from Cirencester has confessed to relatives that he, rather than ‘a plague of locusts’, is responsible for the recent decimation … Continue reading

August 13, 2014 · 8 Comments

Nazi sex parties not as forgettable‏ as one first hoped

As ex-Formula 1 boss Max Mosley attempts the type of convoluted revisionism that his father, Oswald, would have been grateful for; historians have been left to ponder – just how … Continue reading

August 12, 2014 · 2 Comments

Official singles chart to count high-pitched screaming‏

For the first time ever, alongside streaming services, teenagers emitting ultrasonic squeals of delight will be used in calculating album and singles sales. Pant wetting, fainting and ‘poster kissing’ will … Continue reading

August 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Boris Johnson denied that London’s buses were underfunded’

WINNER: ‘Boris Johnson denied that London’s buses were underfunded’ (from KillerzBuild)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 9th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Sorry chaps. We have to go … Continue reading

August 10, 2014 · 1 Comment

Seven seconds of exercise too much effort

A recent pilot study of pensioner’s health has raised fears that scientists are competing to offer the public effortless routes to eternal life. The new claim that six seconds of … Continue reading

August 8, 2014 · 2 Comments

August reminds teachers how much they love teaching

As their second week of holiday looms, ink stains fade and the Prozac leaves their system most teachers are reminded just how rewarding their job is if only they could … Continue reading

August 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

US to introduce border height restrictions

In order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches ‘Sesame street’, needs … Continue reading

August 6, 2014 · 4 Comments

Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die

Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of … Continue reading

August 5, 2014 · Leave a comment

Increase in sham weddings blamed on Tom Cruise

It is now estimated that of the UK’s 2,135 suspect weddings, Hollywood stars may be responsible for a much as two thirds of fake marriages. The Commons Home Affairs Select … Continue reading

August 4, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Anonymous research into why chickens cross roads’

WINNER: ‘Brave New World Club: Anonymous research into why chickens cross roads’ (from Pierian Dodo)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 2nd August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Top … Continue reading

August 3, 2014 · Leave a comment

Chimpanzees translate Lindsay Lohan

Researchers claim that wild chimpanzees have a lexicon of 66 gestures designed to explain the bewildering behaviour of America’s favourite actress, model and lush. Through a measureable system of communication, … Continue reading

August 1, 2014 · Leave a comment

Russia phones National Bullying Helpline

In the weepy small hours of the weekend, the peoples of the Russian Federation jammed phone lines with complaints of harassment and online bullying by members of the UN. In … Continue reading

July 31, 2014 · 2 Comments

British Gas may have sold Gas

Energy markets were thrown into confusion over revelations that the UK’s biggest supplier of nuisance phone calls, spurious bills and mis-sold contracts may have inadvertently provided ‘actual energy’ to their … Continue reading

July 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Israel shuns peace deal in favour of a good PR firm

The Israeli Knesset has rejected the Gaza peace proposal put forward by US Secretary of State, John Kerry, in favour of a modest 12-hour truce – purposely designed to be … Continue reading

July 29, 2014 · Leave a comment

Public devastated to discover Gove not a paedophile‏

Despite a child protection manager alleging over 20 prominent ministers were serial abusers, British parents have been left distraught by the fact Michael Gove had ‘…absolutely nothing to do with … Continue reading

July 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Exercising rights: Spanish bulls set sights on fast lane’

‘Exercising rights: Spanish bulls set sights on fast lane.’ (from Pierian Dodo)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 26th July 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Doctors confirm ‘undercooked red … Continue reading

July 27, 2014 · 8 Comments

Police launch new ‘999Haters’ service to combat trolls

Now that over 50% of UK policing is focused on social media complaints, senior officers are set to invest in a first response system to combat internet ‘meanness’, aggressive emoticons … Continue reading

July 25, 2014 · Leave a comment

Shock as Sun on Sunday turns out to be as shoddy as News of the World

Pop star Tulisa Contostavlos’s trial over drugs allegations has collapsed due to evidence being tainted by ‘proximity to News Corporation’. In a landmark equality ruling, the Sun on Sunday (SoS) … Continue reading

July 24, 2014 · Leave a comment

The return of Cats and Evita bring back memories of the Blitz

Thousands of Londoners have been filmed leaving the capital in fear for their Musical sanity, as rumours surface that Andrew Lloyd Webber intends to carpet bomb the West End with ‘theatrical … Continue reading

July 23, 2014 · Leave a comment

Hague cunningly quits as Foreign Secretary just before World War 3

As passenger airlines are shot down, the Middle-East descends into even greater chaos and American Idol enters its 13th season – all the portents are shaping up nicely for a … Continue reading

July 22, 2014 · 2 Comments

The Daily Mail joins the long list of Clooney rejects

Following in the petite footsteps of Lisa Snowden, the Mail Online has been forced to accept that the ‘grey fox’ will never hold them in his big strong arms. Despite … Continue reading

July 21, 2014 · 2 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘Ukrainian rebels’ stolen missiles more capable than originally thought’

‘Ukrainian rebels’ stolen missiles more capable than originally thought’  (from Al OPecia)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 19th July 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Buzz Aldrin had mastered washing … Continue reading

July 20, 2014 · 6 Comments

Gaza just needs better Health & Safety provision

While many have tried to end decades of conflict in the Palestinian occupied territories, there is a growing feeling in the international community that the only way to achieve regional … Continue reading

July 18, 2014 · Leave a comment

Dublin narrowly escapes Garth Brooks’ concert

In what is being described as a ‘near death experience’ (NDE), the people of Ireland have fortuitously avoided coming into contact with an over-sized Stetson, painful guitar twangs and an … Continue reading

July 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

David Cameron to replace entire Cabinet with female Bishops

In an attempt to distance his government from a ‘stuffy’ male image, the Prime Minister is taking the bold move to capitalize on the sudden popularity of ‘lady clerics’. At … Continue reading

July 16, 2014 · 2 Comments

China and South Korea agree to have North Korea ‘sectioned’

The key topic for discussion over the next two days in Seoul is how to send an entire nation to the ‘booby hatch’. According to Beijing, under the Mental Health … Continue reading

July 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

Economic recovery complete – all rich are now tax exempt

Chancellor George Osborne was proud to announce that after three years of careful fiscal mismanagement, corruption and cronyism the number of UK citizens paying the top rate of income tax … Continue reading

July 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘The big clean up gets under way following The World Masturbating Championships in London’s St James Park’

‘The big clean up gets under way following The World Masturbating Championships in London’s St James Park’ (from Sozsatire)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 8th July 2014 … Continue reading

July 13, 2014 · 4 Comments

Woman refuses to give birth in Primark

Despite a small head erupting from her vagina, a woman from Birmingham resolutely refused to be lulled by the Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear. As her waters broke,cervix dilated … Continue reading

July 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Thatcher’s cabinet torn between abusing Miners or Minors

As more evidence emerges, or mysteriously/conveniently ends up as landfill, it is becoming increasingly plausible that successive 1980’s governments turned a blind eye to accusations of abuse. Burly members of … Continue reading

July 10, 2014 · Leave a comment

‘We’ll always have the bikini wax’ – says a resolute Brazil

Last night the streets of Rio were lined with shell-shocked football fans, discarded yellow shirts and, as the year ended in 14, predictably rampant Germans. As a nation grieved and … Continue reading

July 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

Georgia & Moldova sign agreement to be the next two countries invaded by Russia

By binding themselves economically and politically with the European Union and the Ukraine (- or ‘Greater Russia’ as it is soon to be called), both eastern European nations have elected … Continue reading

July 8, 2014 · 4 Comments

Dinner parties to be targeted by pepper spray drones

The South Africa-based arms manufacturer, Desert Wolf, has secured sales to a mining company wishing to ‘stamp out’ illicit middle-class soirees and those who overstep the international boundaries of dinner … Continue reading

July 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘The latest from Ikea or not, my good chap, I must insist that my wife have a cushion!’

‘The latest from Ikea or not, my good chap, I must insist that my wife have a cushion!’ (from Pierian Dodo)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: … Continue reading

July 6, 2014 · 1 Comment

Britain not sure if it wants to be more or less ‘rapey’

The Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP), Alison Saunders, is hoping to dispel the ‘myth’ that insufficient evidence should ever dissuade the police or courts from pursuing newspaper headlines with meaningless … Continue reading

July 4, 2014 · Leave a comment

Your herpes enjoyed Glastonbury almost as much as you did

Be it the wonderment that is Dolly Parton lip-syncing, the joy of trench foot or the wind in your hair as you defecated in a field; no Glastonbury memory is … Continue reading

July 3, 2014 · Leave a comment

ISA declares a Fundamentalist Retail Investment Arrangement

Hot on the heels of the success of ISIS rebels in establishing an Islamic state amid the broken remains of Syria and Northern Iraq, the jihadist wing of the Individual … Continue reading

July 2, 2014 · 1 Comment

Hyperbolists celebrate as Refugee Crisis proves ‘we are as bad as the Nazis’

Godwin’s Rule of Nazi Analogies has finally been debunked by the concerted efforts of the global community to once and for all ‘screw over the weak and dispossessed’. With the … Continue reading

July 1, 2014 · Leave a comment

Uruguay: ‘Suarez gives hope to anyone suffering from hypoglycemia’

In a bold statement, seen as response to the four month ban imposed by FIFA on the masticating-prone striker, the Uruguay Football Association have claimed that Luis Suarez’s biting incidents … Continue reading

June 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: Man raffles child to to raise funds for World Cup Final Ticket.

‘Man raffles child to to raise funds for World Cup Final Ticket’ (by Al OPecia)  This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 29th June 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Nymar celebrates his … Continue reading

June 29, 2014 · 1 Comment

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