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UK starts advertising for Scotland’s replacement


In the aftermath of Alex Salmond shouting Alistair Darling into submission, the remaining parts of the British Isles have resigned themselves to the fact that its time ‘to move on’ … Continue reading

September 1, 2014 · 4 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘Spiderman and his family had really let themselves go in recent years’


WINNER: ‘Spiderman and his family had really let themselves go in recent years’ (from Pinkyaks)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 30th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘You can’t … Continue reading

August 31, 2014 · 3 Comments

Reality TV needs to be more inclusive for Eton & Oxbridge graduates


A Social Mobility Commission study has discovered that those who really run the UK are woefully under-represented on the only thing that matters to the British public – Talent Shows … Continue reading

August 29, 2014 · Leave a comment

The rest of the world needs to stop depressing us, complains UK‏


Just as the Summer Hols passes its zenith, many British holidaymakers have been left frustrated by the international community’s failure to ‘chill out’ and ‘…enjoy the start of the Premiership … Continue reading

August 28, 2014 · 2 Comments

Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏


UKIP members in the Kent constituency of South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having … Continue reading

August 27, 2014 · 6 Comments

Extremist groups mobilize over the cost of a three-bedroom house in London


New research by the Home Office suggest that Islamic State militants attempt to found a caliphate in northern Iraq may be motivated by the spiralling cost of the UK’s rental … Continue reading

August 26, 2014 · Leave a comment

Bank of England’s Monetary Policy Committee to pursue ‘solo careers’


In news that will devastate investment bankers and teenage girls in equal measure, the MPC have announced they plan to split over interest rate rises and to take time out … Continue reading

August 25, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Hello… the teachers on strike again are they?’


WINNER: ‘Hello… the teachers on strike again are they?’ (from Inchcock)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 23rd August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Three pretty girls get A-level results.’ (from Al … Continue reading

August 24, 2014 · 4 Comments

Israel sends ‘peacekeepers’ to Ferguson, Missouri


After decades of military support from the US, the Israeli Government has said it is now their turn to reciprocate; by bringing ‘…peace, prosperity and a lot of rocket fire’ … Continue reading

August 22, 2014 · Leave a comment

Man Utd fans banned from looking at football results


In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Man Utd officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and ‘any access to the league table’ … Continue reading

August 21, 2014 · Leave a comment

Assange leaves embassy to become Crystal Palace’s new manager


Despite having been trapped in the Ecuadorean embassy since June 2012, the lure of taking over London’s tenth most important football club has proved too much for Julian Assange. His … Continue reading

August 20, 2014 · Leave a comment

Death on expensive holidays tops the list of things ‘we have no sympathy for’


August marks that time of year when British holidaymakers begin their annual cull by leaping drunkenly from balconies, ignoring ski helmets or by combining scuba diving with outboard motors. Naturally … Continue reading

August 19, 2014 · Leave a comment

US to release Greatest Hits; from ‘Iraqi Nights’to ‘The ballad of George III’


Members of the music press were delighted to hear that President Barack Obama has agreed to a compilation of military successes from the US back catalogue. Many die hard fans … Continue reading

August 18, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Iraq? I’ll get my coat’


WINNER ‘Iraq? I’ll get my coat’ (from JemmaZing45)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 16th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘To the bat cave!’ (from Katkitkatkit) ‘Obama refused … Continue reading

August 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

World mourns Robin Williams in 140 characters or less


While the well-loved actor and comedian sadly took his own life at 63, the world’s grief seems to have been condensed into a series of trite sound-bites. Despite his participation … Continue reading

August 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

House Republicans to sue the poor


Having passed a resolution to sue President Barack Obama for constitutional over-reach, the US House of Representatives has decided to extend their frivolous litigation to include anyone ‘…who makes us … Continue reading

August 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Teenage boy admits he may have eaten the last of the cereal‏


In a shock announcement, an unnamed fifteen year old boy from Cirencester has confessed to relatives that he, rather than ‘a plague of locusts’, is responsible for the recent decimation … Continue reading

August 13, 2014 · 8 Comments

Nazi sex parties not as forgettable‏ as one first hoped


As ex-Formula 1 boss Max Mosley attempts the type of convoluted revisionism that his father, Oswald, would have been grateful for; historians have been left to ponder – just how … Continue reading

August 12, 2014 · 2 Comments

Official singles chart to count high-pitched screaming‏


For the first time ever, alongside streaming services, teenagers emitting ultrasonic squeals of delight will be used in calculating album and singles sales. Pant wetting, fainting and ‘poster kissing’ will … Continue reading

August 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Boris Johnson denied that London’s buses were underfunded’


WINNER: ‘Boris Johnson denied that London’s buses were underfunded’ (from KillerzBuild)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 9th August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Sorry chaps. We have to go … Continue reading

August 10, 2014 · 1 Comment

Seven seconds of exercise too much effort


A recent pilot study of pensioner’s health has raised fears that scientists are competing to offer the public effortless routes to eternal life. The new claim that six seconds of … Continue reading

August 8, 2014 · 2 Comments

August reminds teachers how much they love teaching


As their second week of holiday looms, ink stains fade and the Prozac leaves their system most teachers are reminded just how rewarding their job is if only they could … Continue reading

August 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

US to introduce border height restrictions


In order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches ‘Sesame street’, needs … Continue reading

August 6, 2014 · 4 Comments

Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die


Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of … Continue reading

August 5, 2014 · Leave a comment

Increase in sham weddings blamed on Tom Cruise


It is now estimated that of the UK’s 2,135 suspect weddings, Hollywood stars may be responsible for a much as two thirds of fake marriages. The Commons Home Affairs Select … Continue reading

August 4, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Anonymous research into why chickens cross roads’


WINNER: ‘Brave New World Club: Anonymous research into why chickens cross roads’ (from Pierian Dodo)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 2nd August 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Top … Continue reading

August 3, 2014 · Leave a comment

Chimpanzees translate Lindsay Lohan


Researchers claim that wild chimpanzees have a lexicon of 66 gestures designed to explain the bewildering behaviour of America’s favourite actress, model and lush. Through a measureable system of communication, … Continue reading

August 1, 2014 · Leave a comment

Russia phones National Bullying Helpline


In the weepy small hours of the weekend, the peoples of the Russian Federation jammed phone lines with complaints of harassment and online bullying by members of the UN. In … Continue reading

July 31, 2014 · 2 Comments

British Gas may have sold Gas


Energy markets were thrown into confusion over revelations that the UK’s biggest supplier of nuisance phone calls, spurious bills and mis-sold contracts may have inadvertently provided ‘actual energy’ to their … Continue reading

July 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Israel shuns peace deal in favour of a good PR firm


The Israeli Knesset has rejected the Gaza peace proposal put forward by US Secretary of State, John Kerry, in favour of a modest 12-hour truce – purposely designed to be … Continue reading

July 29, 2014 · Leave a comment

Public devastated to discover Gove not a paedophile‏


Despite a child protection manager alleging over 20 prominent ministers were serial abusers, British parents have been left distraught by the fact Michael Gove had ‘…absolutely nothing to do with … Continue reading

July 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Exercising rights: Spanish bulls set sights on fast lane’


‘Exercising rights: Spanish bulls set sights on fast lane.’ (from Pierian Dodo)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 26th July 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Doctors confirm ‘undercooked red … Continue reading

July 27, 2014 · 8 Comments

Police launch new ‘999Haters’ service to combat trolls


Now that over 50% of UK policing is focused on social media complaints, senior officers are set to invest in a first response system to combat internet ‘meanness’, aggressive emoticons … Continue reading

July 25, 2014 · Leave a comment

Shock as Sun on Sunday turns out to be as shoddy as News of the World


Pop star Tulisa Contostavlos’s trial over drugs allegations has collapsed due to evidence being tainted by ‘proximity to News Corporation’. In a landmark equality ruling, the Sun on Sunday (SoS) … Continue reading

July 24, 2014 · Leave a comment

The return of Cats and Evita bring back memories of the Blitz


Thousands of Londoners have been filmed leaving the capital in fear for their Musical sanity, as rumours surface that Andrew Lloyd Webber intends to carpet bomb the West End with ‘theatrical … Continue reading

July 23, 2014 · Leave a comment

Hague cunningly quits as Foreign Secretary just before World War 3


As passenger airlines are shot down, the Middle-East descends into even greater chaos and American Idol enters its 13th season – all the portents are shaping up nicely for a … Continue reading

July 22, 2014 · 2 Comments

The Daily Mail joins the long list of Clooney rejects


Following in the petite footsteps of Lisa Snowden, the Mail Online has been forced to accept that the ‘grey fox’ will never hold them in his big strong arms. Despite … Continue reading

July 21, 2014 · 2 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘Ukrainian rebels’ stolen missiles more capable than originally thought’


‘Ukrainian rebels’ stolen missiles more capable than originally thought’  (from Al OPecia)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 19th July 2014 RUNNERS UP ‘Buzz Aldrin had mastered washing … Continue reading

July 20, 2014 · 6 Comments

Gaza just needs better Health & Safety provision


While many have tried to end decades of conflict in the Palestinian occupied territories, there is a growing feeling in the international community that the only way to achieve regional … Continue reading

July 18, 2014 · Leave a comment

Dublin narrowly escapes Garth Brooks’ concert


In what is being described as a ‘near death experience’ (NDE), the people of Ireland have fortuitously avoided coming into contact with an over-sized Stetson, painful guitar twangs and an … Continue reading

July 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

David Cameron to replace entire Cabinet with female Bishops


In an attempt to distance his government from a ‘stuffy’ male image, the Prime Minister is taking the bold move to capitalize on the sudden popularity of ‘lady clerics’. At … Continue reading

July 16, 2014 · 2 Comments

China and South Korea agree to have North Korea ‘sectioned’


The key topic for discussion over the next two days in Seoul is how to send an entire nation to the ‘booby hatch’. According to Beijing, under the Mental Health … Continue reading

July 15, 2014 · Leave a comment

Economic recovery complete – all rich are now tax exempt


Chancellor George Osborne was proud to announce that after three years of careful fiscal mismanagement, corruption and cronyism the number of UK citizens paying the top rate of income tax … Continue reading

July 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘The big clean up gets under way following The World Masturbating Championships in London’s St James Park’


‘The big clean up gets under way following The World Masturbating Championships in London’s St James Park’ (from Sozsatire)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 8th July 2014 … Continue reading

July 13, 2014 · 4 Comments

Woman refuses to give birth in Primark


Despite a small head erupting from her vagina, a woman from Birmingham resolutely refused to be lulled by the Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear. As her waters broke,cervix dilated … Continue reading

July 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Thatcher’s cabinet torn between abusing Miners or Minors


As more evidence emerges, or mysteriously/conveniently ends up as landfill, it is becoming increasingly plausible that successive 1980’s governments turned a blind eye to accusations of abuse. Burly members of … Continue reading

July 10, 2014 · Leave a comment

‘We’ll always have the bikini wax’ – says a resolute Brazil


Last night the streets of Rio were lined with shell-shocked football fans, discarded yellow shirts and, as the year ended in 14, predictably rampant Germans. As a nation grieved and … Continue reading

July 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

Georgia & Moldova sign agreement to be the next two countries invaded by Russia


By binding themselves economically and politically with the European Union and the Ukraine (- or ‘Greater Russia’ as it is soon to be called), both eastern European nations have elected … Continue reading

July 8, 2014 · 4 Comments

Dinner parties to be targeted by pepper spray drones


The South Africa-based arms manufacturer, Desert Wolf, has secured sales to a mining company wishing to ‘stamp out’ illicit middle-class soirees and those who overstep the international boundaries of dinner … Continue reading

July 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

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