The Truth about Goats
General Alexander has revealed that the U.S.’s massive surveillance programme has been mainly geared towards protecting online gamers from having their “characters hacked”. “Dozens” of plots to access Blizzard accounts via email “phishing” scams have been disrupted.
The extent to which Congress knew about “level 70 raiding parties” or indeed participated in “BlizzCon” is still unknown. “What is clear,” said one security expert. “Is that in compiling data on millions of Americans we have prevented some super sweet Epic items from being sold off in the Auction House.”
Despite assurances from President Obama that MMPORG usage would be closely overseen by parents, there are growing fears that many members of the Intelligence Community are prioritizing tasks in Azeroth ahead of their homework commitments. The Director of National Intelligence, James Clapper, is already under the spotlight for misleading a Senate committee as to the extent that he had created a “level 19 Twink specifically for Warsong Gulch”.
A spokesman for the NSA read a prepared statement: “Our covert actions save lives. Virtual lives, yes. But who really wants to run all the way back to the spawn point? We target non-Americans (specifically Chinese gold farmers) and weird Emo kids from Europe, who only want to play on RP servers. Although, that said, we would like to speak to one particular U.S. national – a Mister Leeroy Jenkins – in relation to recent leaks.”