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Nigel Farage to be dropped on the Ukraine


In a last ditch attempt to stave off closer ties with the EU, President Viktor Yanukovych has ordered Kiev protesters to be bombarded with the leader of UKIP. Aerial strikes will include the dropping of euro-sceptic pamphlets, Jamie Oliver pies and signed photographs of Clive Dunn as Lance-Corporal Jack Jones.

English: Nigel Farage at Lord's cricket ground...

UKIP Blitzkreig (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is hoped that Mr. Farage will be able to disrupt these mass rallies with his heady mix of paranoia, self depreciation and the plot of Henry V. The Ukrainian Air Force has been scrambled out of Vinnytsia, ready to deposit Mr. Farage on the unsuspecting crowds; armed merely with the promise higher phone tariffs, a return to the shilling and an end to the student exchange programme.

Meanwhile, the EU has promised to subsidize the Ukraine economy to the tune of 20bn Euros, provided they embrace the single market, cleaner beaches and a starring role in Angela Merkel’s puppet show. In turn, United States Senator John McCain was on hand to remind Ukrainians that there is something far worse than Russian or European integration.

Organizers claim that Mr. Farage will have a greater impact than the Independence and Democracy Group’s attempt to fire Robert Kilroy-Silk from a trebuchet into the Eiffel Tower. A spokesman for the President said: ‘When the likes of Des Lynam and Morrissey raise concerns about the EU, we need to take notice. We need to protect the Ukraine from an influx of cheap labourers…mainly from the Ukraine.’

 

by @Wrenfoe

 

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2 comments on “Nigel Farage to be dropped on the Ukraine

  1. Sean Smithson
    December 19, 2013

    Voted.

  2. Wrenfoe
    December 19, 2013

    Cheers, dude. All I need to do now is persuade my mother and that will be two votes in the bag!

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