Melinda Gates to get Belgium in divorce settlement
The billionaire couple, Bill and Melinda Gates, are set to split, with a much anticipated custody battle over who gets the GDP equivalent of Western Europe. However, lawyers anticipate the … Continue reading
Children wary of the new ‘Prince Andrew Award’
In the absence of a Duke of Edinburgh for the Duke of Edinburgh Award, the Crown has turned to another Royal, known for his passion for teenage passions. Prince Andrew … Continue reading
Keir Starmer spells forensic with a ‘Ph’ and Keir with a ‘th’ at the end
As the Labour Party absorbs the ramifications of its worst by-election result in living memory, Sir Keir has decided to remind us of his professionalism by setting fire to his … Continue reading
Woman asks: ‘What’s that small blue light I can see from my bed?’
Esmee Van Der Veen (32) has spent a sleepless night trying to work out what that flashing blue light is – you know, the one you can see in the … Continue reading
Starmer blames meddling Scooby Doo
With pundits predicting election embarrassment for Sir Keir Starmer, the hapless leader was quick to shift the blame to inclement weather, the fall of the Hapsburgs and Bach’s Piano Concerto … Continue reading
Are naked auditions unfairly labelled as ‘creepy as f$ck’?
As further allegations of sexual misconduct are levelled at film directors, most of the public are questioning why ‘naked’ interviews are deemed more reliable than a well-referenced curriculum vitae. With … Continue reading
Man angry PM threatened to ‘pile bodies high’, not angry that he actually did it
Mark O’Brien (47) was ‘spitting feathers’ at the fact that Boris Johnson had once mentioned the very thing he went on to do. ‘I’m outraged he said it. Am I … Continue reading
Malcolm the Human Centipede sues Colin the Caterpillar
While M&S and Aldi are embroiled in their own lawsuit, a Dutch horror firm is claiming they invented the original human/insect cake hybrid. A spokeswoman said: ‘Ours was the first … Continue reading
Caption Competition: ‘Raise you hand if you want to hear another song’
WINNER: ‘Raise you hand if you want to hear another song’ (TrojanRoy) RUNNERS UP During Lockdown, Coldplay were happy to take any gig they could (88Frenchkiss) NHS cutbacks force band … Continue reading
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