Eddie Marsan finally goes ‘full Tory’
Using Lee Strasberg’s ‘Method’ and 28 cans of Red Bull, Eddie Marsan has succeeded in portraying Shakespeare’s most challenging villain and secret Conservative voter – Aaron the More-You-Earn-The-Less-You-Care. With the … Continue reading
Umlaut sues Emoji for copyright infringement
Lawyers working on the behalf of Germanic vowel alternation have filed a class action against ‘cheap and disrespectful’ ideograms. Too often complicated exchanges are being reduced down to a basic … Continue reading
Most couples avoid bondage for fear of being tickled
Sociologists now claim that people’s sexual timidity is driven not by shame but by a fear of someone ‘blowing a raspberry on your tummy’. Statistics now suggest that 52% of … Continue reading
British exports reduce the number of rogue school buses
The people of Yemen expressed their gratitude that the UK arms industry has helpfully culled their excess of school children. The move has been particularly welcomed by middle class parents … Continue reading
Caption Competition: ‘Shoot the other President. I’ll give you a clue – he look’s like an orange ball’
WINNER: ‘Shoot the other President. I’ll give you a clue – he look’s like an orange ball’ (from ValOtten3) RUNNERS UP ‘Go long…I suggest wait for the Bernie Sanders.’ (from … Continue reading
BBC reports rise in fake news, with no sense of irony
The Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) Committee has warned that democracy is under threat from online fake news; as opposed to the legitimate fake news in our print or … Continue reading
Sir Cliff to spend £850,000 on ‘living doll’
Rather than dispel rumours of an unorthodox personal life, the ageing singer has said he plans to fulfil his ambition to own a ‘special friend’ that he can lock in … Continue reading
Margaret Hodge dismisses claims that she used bad language as ‘f$cking ridiculous’
A spokeswoman for Dame Sweary McSwearface challenged claims that she had used unparliamentary language with a work colleague, as ‘utter bollocks’. Leaping to her defence MP Ian Austin allegedly screamed, … Continue reading
Heat overtakes Brexit as the conversation you don’t want to have
As wildfires continue to break out in Brexit negotiations, the British public have turned to the weather as their main source of verbal entropy. Reaching for the ‘Thesaurus of Boredom’, … Continue reading
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