Family actually prefer my armchair Olympic commentaries, says Dad
A man has claimed that his wife and three children actually prefer the expert analysis that he is delivering throughout the Olympics, compared to the official BBC commentaries provided by … Continue reading
Chocolate bars aren’t smaller, we’re just fatter
Manufacturers have dismissed claims that confectionery favourites have shrunk, explaining that anything would look small in our ‘big fat, sausage fingers’. The Office for National Statistics concluded that 2,500 products … Continue reading
Bags of wall sealer washed up on beach just ‘the size of Whales’. More soon
Coldplay acquisition of Mr. Whippy in meltdown
Sources in the City of London have indicated the multi-million pound takeover of ice-cream purveyors Mr. Whippy by dinner-party pop princes Coldplay, is in full meltdown. After responsibly ending touring … Continue reading
British public completely baffled over what exactly JPN stands for
‘We haven’t a clue’, said Pauline Tennant, a 43-year-old grandmother from Romford. ‘We were up all night but couldn’t work it out. The nearest we could get was Jalapeno pepper, … Continue reading
Public raise government threat level to “Omni-cluster-shambles-fuck”. More soon
Government to target victims of violent crime
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has promised to target victims of violent crime in an effort to make UK neighbourhoods a safer place to live. The government has said that victims … Continue reading
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