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Melinda Gates to get Belgium in divorce settlement


The billionaire couple, Bill and Melinda Gates, are set to split, with a much anticipated custody battle over who gets the GDP equivalent of Western Europe.  However, lawyers anticipate the … Continue reading

May 13, 2021 · Leave a comment

Children wary of the new ‘Prince Andrew Award’


In the absence of a Duke of Edinburgh for the Duke of Edinburgh Award, the Crown has turned to another Royal, known for his passion for teenage passions.  Prince Andrew … Continue reading

May 12, 2021 · Leave a comment

Keir Starmer spells forensic with a ‘Ph’ and Keir with a ‘th’ at the end


As the Labour Party absorbs the ramifications of its worst by-election result in living memory, Sir Keir has decided to remind us of his professionalism by setting fire to his … Continue reading

May 11, 2021 · Leave a comment

Woman asks: ‘What’s that small blue light I can see from my bed?’


Esmee Van Der Veen (32) has spent a sleepless night trying to work out what that flashing blue light is – you know, the one you can see in the … Continue reading

May 10, 2021 · Leave a comment

Starmer blames meddling Scooby Doo


With pundits predicting election embarrassment for Sir Keir Starmer, the hapless leader was quick to shift the blame to inclement weather, the fall of the Hapsburgs and Bach’s Piano Concerto … Continue reading

May 6, 2021 · Leave a comment

Are naked auditions unfairly labelled as ‘creepy as f$ck’?


As further allegations of sexual misconduct are levelled at film directors, most of the public are questioning why ‘naked’ interviews are deemed more reliable than a well-referenced curriculum vitae. With … Continue reading

May 5, 2021 · Leave a comment

Man angry PM threatened to ‘pile bodies high’, not angry that he actually did it


Mark O’Brien (47) was ‘spitting feathers’ at the fact that Boris Johnson had once mentioned the very thing he went on to do. ‘I’m outraged he said it.  Am I … Continue reading

May 4, 2021 · Leave a comment

Malcolm the Human Centipede sues Colin the Caterpillar


While M&S and Aldi are embroiled in their own lawsuit, a Dutch horror firm is claiming they invented the original human/insect cake hybrid.  A spokeswoman said: ‘Ours was the first … Continue reading

May 3, 2021 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Raise you hand if you want to hear another song’


WINNER:  ‘Raise you hand if you want to hear another song’ (TrojanRoy) RUNNERS UP During Lockdown, Coldplay were happy to take any gig they could (88Frenchkiss) NHS cutbacks force band … Continue reading

May 1, 2021 · Leave a comment

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