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Salmond: ‘Second Bannockburn inevitable’

In his usual measured, non-inflammatory manner the ex-leader of the Scottish National Party has insisted he will soon retake Stirling Castle and shove a red hot poker ‘up the arse’ … Continue reading

August 4, 2015 · Leave a comment

NRA: ‘Guns don’t kill people, movies do’

Although many in the state of Louisiana are struggling to come to terms with another cinema massacre, scientists for the National Rifle Association have at last discovered a clear correlation … Continue reading

August 3, 2015 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘And on my right…everyone else’

WINNER: ‘And on my right…everyone else’ (from Dorfuz6) This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 1st August 2015 RUNNER UP: ‘All those who can sing the Red Flag please … Continue reading

August 2, 2015 · Leave a comment

Bill Cosby more ‘threatening’ than your average Sommelier

Despite rigorous denials of any wrong-doing, lawyers for Mr. Cosby have been forced to concede that he invariably mixed red wine with fish, over-poured champagne and mistook Rohypnol for a … Continue reading

July 30, 2015 · Leave a comment

Alan Sugar ‘intake’ should be halved

Scientists have recommended cutting our media exposure to millionaires with their own reality TV show and love affair with an under-performing football team. Advisers on nutrition say that by exceeding … Continue reading

July 29, 2015 · Leave a comment

‘Crazy discounts’ blamed for shortage of ‘mental beds’

With up to 60% off and 4 years interest free credit, the ‘insanity’ that is home furnishing flash-sales has led to a lack adult psychiatric health provision. One excitable marketing … Continue reading

July 28, 2015 · Leave a comment

Greek credit rating identified as new pentaquark particle

Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHCb) have announced the discovery of one the smallest forms of matter, that of Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras’ savings account. Having already transformed into … Continue reading

July 27, 2015 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Choir boys in swimwear? Where?!?’

WINNER: ‘Choir boys in swimwear? Where?!?’ (from SulkyMulk)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 25th July 2015 RUNNERS UP: ‘A little more leg, Frankie. Pout, pout, pout, … Continue reading

July 26, 2015 · 2 Comments

Mexico offers $3.8m reward for ‘man-eating mole’

Officials at Altiplano jail have instigated a nationwide alert for mutant creature with ‘burrowing ability’, who has inadvertently created a subterranean passageway between their high security shower area and nearby … Continue reading

July 23, 2015 · Leave a comment

Worst fears confirmed: God is a lefty

In gifting Pope Francis a hammer and sickle-shaped crucifix, Bolivian President Evo Morales proved once and for all that the divine being is just as much a ‘hippy’ as his … Continue reading

July 22, 2015 · Leave a comment

House of Commons identified as a brownfield site

As part of Chancellor George Osborne’s policy to liberate planning permissions, several of London’s most dilapidated eyesores have been scheduled for demolition. Rather than face a repair bill of £5.7bn, … Continue reading

July 21, 2015 · Leave a comment

Keith Richards may have taken performance enhancing drugs‏

The worlds of athletics and music have been thrown into confusion with the allegation that The Rolling Stones’ guitarist may have used ban substances. Inducted in 2008 into Musicians’ Hall … Continue reading

July 20, 2015 · 2 Comments

Caption Competition: ‘Boris decided there were better things than a water canon’

WINNER: ‘Boris decided there were better things than a water canon’ (from adverseverse)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 18th July 2015 RUNNERS UP ‘The Greek bail-out agreement … Continue reading

July 19, 2015 · Leave a comment

Swinger’s festival uses loud music to drown out bonking noises‏

Despite complaints from local residents about noise levels, organisers of ‘Swingfields’ have insisted that their blaring disco music was better than the sound of ‘constant squelching’. In fact, the weekend … Continue reading

July 16, 2015 · 2 Comments

Greece and Iran inadvertently book the same conference room

Much to the embarrassment of diplomats, Greek Finance Ministers and Iranian Defence Officials found themselves on opposite sides of a negotiating table; forced to simultaneously haggle over debt relief and … Continue reading

July 15, 2015 · Leave a comment

Islamic State to be known as ‘The artist formerly known as IS’

The Prime Minister has insisted that all terrorist organisations will no longer be permitted to release material under their previous stage names. Mr. Cameron has instructed the BBC to never … Continue reading

July 14, 2015 · Leave a comment

Man has referendum on whether to pay his bills this month

Mr. Paul Willis, of Chelmsford, has taken the unusual step of opting out his financial responsibilities while at the same time demanding that his neighbours continue to send him food … Continue reading

July 13, 2015 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘He’ll sign whatever you want as soon as you let go of his bollocks’

WINNER: ‘He’ll sign whatever you want as soon as you let go of his bollocks’ (from Jenny Laville)   This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 11th July 2015 ‘The … Continue reading

July 12, 2015 · 1 Comment

IS secretly supports Butlins

By diverting their terror campaign towards international holiday resorts, the Islamic State has underlined their fundamentalist belief in ‘affordable camp sites’. Many have misconstrued the massacres and bombings as an … Continue reading

July 9, 2015 · Leave a comment

UK approves ‘Gay-er marriage’

Not to be out done by the United States’ decision to legalise same-sex marriage, the British judiciary has laid out plans to take gay marriage to a whole new level … Continue reading

July 8, 2015 · Leave a comment

Cameron wins Greece in EU negotiation

A rather quizzical British Prime Minister left the Brussels summit, arm in arm with an equally confused Greek PM, Alexis Tsipras. Having promised to leave the talks with an improved … Continue reading

July 7, 2015 · 2 Comments

London’s emergency services practise for Murray exit

Intelligence officials have closed down sections of the UK’s capital, in order to stage a simulation of the terror conditions that will occur in the wake of the Wimbledon Champion … Continue reading

July 6, 2015 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: ‘Bonfire night starts early’

    WINNER: ‘Bonfire night starts early’ (from SDagfire) This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 4th July 2015 RUNNERS UP: ‘Pile of sh@t wins both Booker and Turner … Continue reading

July 5, 2015 · Leave a comment

‘Remember us?’ says the Taliban

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, or in this case ‘a bicameral national legislature, comprising of two chambers’, it turns out it’s not. … Continue reading

July 2, 2015 · Leave a comment

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