Russian Bombers to offer cut price flights to the UK
In a move, aggressively resisted by the RAF, the Russian Federation Air Force (VVS) has attempted to muscle in on the lucrative budget air routes normally dominated by firms like … Continue reading
After 80 years, Swiss police spring into action against Swiss Banks
Like a coiled sloth, investigators have launched a search of HSBC’s Geneva subsidiary. With the urgency of a giant tortoise, Swiss prosecutors have noticed that there may be some ‘minor … Continue reading
David Cameron: Unemployed young can muck out my stables
The Conservative Party has promised to come down hard on young ne’er do wells, by compelling them to ‘polish Tory silverware’. Rather than being an Etonian euphemism, the aim is … Continue reading
Ed Miliband to put Alan Sugar in all schools
In a bold policy commitment, the Labour leader has said he would ensure all school leavers have an exit interview with Lord Sugar. This ‘apprenticeship guarantee’ would cover a range … Continue reading
Caption Competition: ‘Fuck off, it’s my best hat and it wouldn’t suit you anyway’
WINNER: ‘Fuck off, it’s my best hat and it wouldn’t suit you anyway’ (from ZZRMark) This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 21st Feb 2015 RUNNERS UP: ‘If … Continue reading
Samsung release a range of morally superior TVs
Having revealed that their current range of smart products will ‘listen’ to and gather personal information, the South Korean multinational was forced to concede that their self-aware TVs were now … Continue reading
Boris Johnson to renounce ‘human form’
Speaking to a packed room of journalists, the Mayor of London has confirmed his intention to run as MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip in his natural reptilian shape. Having … Continue reading
Ukraine crisis is ‘Peace Avoidance’ not ‘Peace Evasion’
In a move set to reassure Europe, Russian officials have rebranded their support of the Ukraine Rebels as tax deductible. Taking inspiration from the shifting ethics of the British banking sector, … Continue reading
Tories blow £1m on FarmVille
It has been revealed that the Conservative Party is paying £100,000 a month to Facebook in order to subsidize David Cameron’s addiction with growing virtual crops. So engrossed in developing … Continue reading
Caption Competition: ‘A Liberal Democrat spokesperson delivers an ultimatum to David Cameron, demanding to be taken seriously as part of the Coalition’
WINNER: ‘A Liberal Democrat spokesperson delivers an ultimatum to David Cameron, demanding to be taken seriously as part of the Coalition’ (from James Patrick Casey) This month’s photo come courtesy of: … Continue reading
MPs vote in favour of Three Baby Roast
In a move set to excite Heston Blumenthal, the House of Commons has passed a motion in support of a succulent triple infant feast. Although fertility campaigners have complained that … Continue reading
Jordan combats barbaric executions with civilised executions
Striking a blow in the War on Paradox, the Arab Kingdom has retaliated over the death of a Jordanian pilot at the hands of the Islamic State (IS). Without a … Continue reading
Surprise Surprise: Magna Carta Special
Hosted by the delectable Holly Willoughby, ITV’s flagship light entertainment programme will bring together four curmudgeonly editions of Magna Carta, for the first time in 800 years. With tears and … Continue reading
Michelangelo sculptures ‘may be of Dr. Christian Jessen’
Cambridge University experts have not only attributed two obscure bronze sculptures to the renown Renaissance genius, but have identified the muscular figures as being based on the star of C4’s … Continue reading
Caption Competition: ‘Prince Charles raises concerns that the North of England is becoming radicalised’
WINNER: ‘Prince Charles raises concerns that the North of England is becoming radicalised’ (from 67Funster) This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 7th Feb 2015 RUNNERS UP ‘What, you’ve … Continue reading
Sporting excellence linked to bedtime stories
Having discovered that sleeping patterns impact on performance levels, researchers at the University of Birmingham have now revealed that top athletes respond best to chapters read from Harry Potter, ‘with … Continue reading
Apple: $18bn profit but still ‘keeping it real’
Humble Apple executives released a statement confirming their commitment to a frugal lifestyle, regardless of owning ‘more spondoolies than Donald Trump can dream of’. Having now made the biggest profit … Continue reading
Half of PE students would shower, if we stopped watching them
A recent study in the European Journal of Sports Sciences concludes the majority of students do not wash, yet the same students would happily start if the European Journal of … Continue reading
New York tells Britain’s commuters: ‘Now THAT’S a snow day!’
As the north-east US shuts down in anticipation of 30 inches of snow, many were left surprised that the UK’s national infrastructure was also disrupted by an unseasonal breeze, three … Continue reading
Caption Competition: ‘North Korea misinterprets the ice bucket challenge’
WINNER: ‘North Korea misinterprets the ice bucket challenge’ (from Dear Design Ducky) This month’s photo come courtesy of: bbc.com DATE: 31st Jan 2015 RUNNERS UP: ‘Sir. My nipples are … Continue reading
Greece vote to change billing address
Today the Greek electorate were celebrating the adoption of a national policy of ‘the cheque being in the post’. Winning 36% of votes counted, the Syriza Party was able to … Continue reading
Page 3 to now feature extracts from the Chilcot Inquiry
In a surprise u-turn, The Sun newspaper has renewed its commitment to publishing salacious images; including Tony Blair and George W. Bush in a series of compromising positions with Weapons … Continue reading
Lib Dems to eradicate the main cause of childhood illiteracy – children
In a bold statement of intent, Party Leader Nick Clegg set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Lib Dems expect to put an … Continue reading
Islamic State tweets ‘haters gonna hate’
Hacking into the US military’s Centcom account, hackers working for IS have sent a clear message to the world that ‘Harry Styles is lush’. Using social media, the terrorist organisation … Continue reading
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