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Obama says Disney World must close

US President Barack Obama has pledged a new push to close torture camps at the controversial Walt Disney World Resort, Florida, amid a growing obesity among visitors. The UN has … Continue reading

April 30, 2013 · Leave a comment

Ministers ‘must work harder’ for foie gras

In move that will upset Human Rights activists, Britain’s prisoners insist that Coalition Ministers must start to work harder for their privileges. From November, Ministers must “actively earn privileges” and … Continue reading

April 30, 2013 · Leave a comment

Ennui found on Bieber tour bus in Sweden

Stockholm police say they have found evidence of self-doubt on board a tour bus used by pop singer Justin Bieber. The discovery of the Class A ennui had left officers … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · 1 Comment

Targaryen chemical weapons “a Game of Thrones changer”

US President Barack Obama has vowed a “vigorous investigation” into reports that exiled Daenerys Targaryen has used incendiary “dragons”, warning they will be a “game changer” for the HBO series … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · Leave a comment

Ian Duncan Smith expects turkeys to vote for Christmas

Inspired by the Institute for King Canute studies, the Coalition has decided to replace actual legislation and “mind numbing” governance, with hope and whimsy. A spokesmen for Mr Smith explained: “The … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · Leave a comment

Miliband to receive BAFTA for Inner Monologue

David Miliband will receive a special award for outstanding achievement in “biting your own tongue” at this year’s TV BAFTAs, organisers have announced. David’s contribution, to the long running duologue … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · Leave a comment

Operation Yewtree: Superstar Ken facing fresh claims

Beloved children’s entertainer Superstar Ken has been rearrested over new claims of sexual impropriety, under the strand of Operation Yewtree unrelated to the Evel Knievel stunt doll. Mr Ken, 52,  from … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · Leave a comment

Spotty Swansea makes Turner Prize Shortlist

In a surprise announcement, the Turner Panel has named the Welsh measles epidemic as a short-runner for this year’s converted Turner Prize. Taken as a series of aerial photographs, the … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · Leave a comment

Court rules that voting for the Coalition can “still be rape”

In a test case, judges have ruled that the nation is still being “roggered senseless” by politicians. Despite the seemingly consensual nature of modern democracy, the lord chief justice, made … Continue reading

April 29, 2013 · Leave a comment

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