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Obama says Disney World must close


US President Barack Obama has pledged a new push to close torture camps at the controversial Walt Disney World Resort, Florida, amid a growing obesity among visitors.

The UN has called the continued detention of so many people without any artistic merit a clear violation of international law. Visitors have been deliberately gorging at Akershus Royal Banquet Hall to protest against this vacuous excuse for a holiday. Yet, there have already been reports of Micky coercing visitors to diet, in clear violation of their human rights violation.

A UN spokesman on human rights spoke out against their treatment: “If people want to soak in saturated fats and fizzy drinks that is their choice. It is the  view of the World Medical Association and indeed our view, that any attempt to reform these lobotomized coach-potatoes would amount to cruel, inhumane and degrading treatment. Besides,” he added “everyone loves a fatty.”

At the White House, Mr Obama said the detention centre, commonly known as Walt Disney World was “contrary to who we are” and harmful to US culture.

Guantanamo Bay

A World of Adventure for all the Family (Photo credit: AslanMedia)

He cited recent accounts of

  • “Prolonged uncomfortable positions” while queuing at the MagicKingdom
  • “Forced hooding and water-boarding” at  Epcot
  • “Sleep deprivation” at Disney’s Hollywood
  • Acts of “sexual humiliation” in the Animal Kingdom

The resort opened on October 1, 1971;  since then only the Red Cross has had access to all the rides. During August 2003, there were 23 suicide attempts all on the sixteenth hole of mini-golf at the Fantasia Gardens Mini-Golf. UN Human Rights Commissioner Navi Pillay has said Disney should be closed immediately, an opinion which has not been influenced by the fact “he is too short for SplashMountain”.

Amnesty reports that detainees in Disney World have reclassified as “Mouseketeers” rather than “visitors”, to deprive them of basic human dignity. One FBI agent was quoted as saying, “On a couple of occasions, I saw a gentlemen with a large dog head chained hand and foot in a foetal position to the floor. He had clearly urinated and defecated on himself. When I tried to talk to him, all he could say was ‘gawrsh'”.

by @Wrenfoe

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