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Chas ‘n’ Dave conservatoire opens


Michael Gove’s free-schools policy has seen the creation of an East End music school based on the words and wisdom of the internationally renowned Chas ‘n’Dave. While President Obama, this week, has awarded singer-songwriter Carole King the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song, the British Government was keen to celebrate the achievements of our own Cockney duo. 

A Pearly King and Queen in London

The Maths Department (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This new music school, for deprived teenagers, will stand alongside the existing arts and sports institutions; like The Barbara Windsor Drama Academy, The Eric Bristow Gymnasium and The Micky Flanagan School for Dance.

Labour and some teaching unions say the popularity of “rockney” will draw funds and pupils out of the public sector. A spokesman for the DfE said: “We are spending £5bn by 2015 on creating new school places – therefore any broad curriculum must include a study of the classics, such as ‘Gertcha’ and ‘Rabbit’. Working class pub sing-song is far more relevant to the history of this nation than Mozart or Beethoven.”

There have been concerns that Mr. Gove was out of touch and merely jumping on the Mockney bandwagon. A spokesmen read out the following prepared statement was released: “I’ve spent a lot of wonga on this kosher gaff. Yer avin a giraffe, comin ere making a barney. Been on the Britney Spears ave we? Use yer loaf, it’s all legit. Everythins cushty. Ave a butchers at this,” he said gesturing to a bronze replica of the Kray Twins. “They ain’t dead. They’ar just restin. Keep stumm, right!”

England currently has 81 free schools, with another 109 set to open in September; these will include The Harry Redknapp School of Economics, The Samantha Fox Finishing School for Girls and The Danny Dyer Science Institute

By @Wrenfoe

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