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“Erdogan threatens Turkish Wombles”


In what some commentators see as a “final warning”, Turkey’s Prime Minister has issued a demand for the protesting Wombles to vacate the central park in Istanbul. So far plans to redevelop the green area into a shopping centre have been thwarted by the pointy-nosed, furry creatures and their environmentalist agenda.

Womble on Wimbledon Common

A threat to the Turkish Government? (Photo credit: Jessicastjohn)



The Wombles have fought a series of pitched battles with riot police, fashioning rudimentary weapons from “things that the everyday folks leave behind”. Accused of “looting” the protesters claim they are simply “making good use of bad rubbish”. The International community has already condemned the strong arm tactics of the police; which have included tear gas, water cannons and giant mouse-traps. In the meantime, Madame Cholet has been deployed by the French Red Cross, to try and negotiate a peaceful settlement and referendum between the two sides.

“Our patience is at an end. I am making my warning for the last time,” said Mr. Erdogan, gesturing to the network of burrows covering Gezi Park. Security forces claim aged “extremists” have been wombling over the Bulgarian border. These so-called “Great Uncle” figures have been agitating the usually docile, work-shy Orinocos. Reactionary forces in Pakistan are concerned that the civil unrest could spread to the giant snow-white Wombles of the Himalayas. Fortunately the UK has plans to extend their badger cull “underground, overground” to include Wimbledon Common and the aquatic Wombles of Loch Ness.

by @Wrenfoe

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8 comments on ““Erdogan threatens Turkish Wombles”

  1. Lindy Moone
    June 14, 2013

    Wrenfoe! I am here in Turkey and wondering: is the Newsbiscuit site down, or am I being blocked because Erdogan thinks I am a Womble?

    Like

    • Wrenfoe
      June 14, 2013

      Alas the Wombles have crashed the Newsbiscuit site this morning (I’ve emailed “the boss” to tell him to plug the server back in and pay the electricity bill).

      Like

  2. Lindy Moone
    June 14, 2013

    Thanks. Good to know it’s not me. Not yet, anyway. But the Wombles have been naughty on the Twitter, and it may soon fly away from Turkey…

    Like

  3. Lindy Moone
    June 14, 2013

    By the way, Obiwren, you may be my only hope – erm, only contact at newsbiscuit outside of newsbiscuit.

    Like

    • Wrenfoe
      June 14, 2013

      Are you on Twitter, Lindy? There are several Newsbiscuit writers knocking around on there including John O’Farrell ‏- aka “the boss”. Admittedly I am the most jedi-like of the bunch 😀

      Like

  4. Lindy Moone
    June 14, 2013

    Not on Twitter yet; now might not get there. (Twitter has not signed the Turkish gov’s agreement to share info because Turkey has not given privacy guarantees –and therefore the gov says it is an ‘illegitimate’ site and they have the right to shut it down.) Always figured when I get around to promoting the book I’ll need to have been knocking around there for a few months first, but I can’t even find time (lying, I’m procrastinating) for writing. Although the care and feeding of old folks takes a huge chunk of the day and mashes it into gummable morsels. I don’t have kids, so strangers will be mashing my food when the time comes.

    Like

    • Wrenfoe
      June 14, 2013

      “Strangers mashing” your food – Ever thought about becoming a restaurant critic?

      Like

  5. Lindy Moone
    June 14, 2013

    lol

    Like

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