The Truth about Goats
Emergency services were called to help rescue passengers onboard a series of media-themed rides. One elderly, Australian Gentlemen was particularly embarrassed to have his dirty underwear on display while suspended 25m above the ground, strapped to the Peeking Heights Ferris Wheel.
Those stranded in “Leveson World” complained of intrusion, exhaustion and over exposure to The Sun. Unfortunately, the response time of the Fire Service was delayed by several hours, after a series of attempts to hack the 999 switchboard. Eyewitnesses report that the thrill-seekers had been very “keen” for others to go on the rides, but then morally outraged when they found themselves on the receiving end of the same excessive force, financial pressure and nausea.
Opened in 2011, the “Leveson Experience” has enthralled the public with its thrills and spills. The Blair Family, of no-fixed-abode, were “shocked” to find themselves dragged into the Sir Walter Squirtalot fountain and drenched in his brackish residue. Several high profile marriages have felt undue pressure by similar experiences. Many of the rides culminate with passengers being photographed during humiliating moments of vulnerability or in “the public interest” as one Pap described it.
A Mrs. Brooks, from Chipping Norton, appears to have got her ginger tendrils stuck in the Canopy Capers obstacle course, with other unnamed passengers. Despite safety harnesses, others have suffered from anxiety or asthma attacks; even the occasional moment of self-realization. Victims group Hacked Off called for free season tickets to be given to this particular set of passengers; “If anyone deserves to stay on the Press merry-go-round, it’s these lovely people.”
(There’s a slightly more pun-tastic version of this story on Newsbiscuit)