The Truth about Goats
By embracing emerging technologies, London’s police force hope to offer a more comprehensive and time sensitive range of dishonest practice. The family of the murdered teenager Stephen Lawrence, were “shocked” to discover that thousands of hours of sordid policing surveillance could have been saved with the use of modern, fibre-optic tapping techniques.
Sir William Macpherson – chairman of the 90’s inquiry into police racism – said the Lawrences had been treated with “insensitivity and lack of sympathy”. Frustratingly for the Police, if they had had access to today’s social media, they could have got their racist, bungling and sleaze-ridden message out to the wider community in an instant.
One Detective Inspector lamented the lost opportunities: “Our (now-disbanded) Special Demonstration Squad would have benefited so much from cooperation with GCHQ. Having illegal access to a range of global communications and data, could have opened the door to vast array of disinformation. It’s so disappointing to see innocent people unharassed.”
Recently the Metropolitan police have become embroiled in a series of high profile investigations, which could easily have been covered up with IT solutions. A spokesman explained: “Corruption needs to move into the 21st century. We could have avoided the£12.2m cost of Operation Weeting by learning to hack phones ourselves. £5.7m potentially saved on Operation Elveden, if only we had discovered Swiss online-banking. And the £1m spent of Operation Yewtree, would have been redundant if we had instructed those 30 officers to just turn off Google SafeSearch.”
Despite concerns over shortages Stephen Greenhalgh, Deputy Mayor for Policing, said The Met would embark on a recruitment drive. A spokesman said: “New Officers will be able to connect with traditional policing values of incompetence and vice with our Entrapment App, Bribery Paypal Account and Racism Feed.”