The Truth about Goats
Actor, Jim Carrey, has apologised to cinema fans for his regular endorsement of “stupidity”. Having wowed the Academy Award Panel with his 1994 rendition of Dumb and Dumber, Mr Carey is naturally apprehensive that reprising the role of Lloyd Christmas may lower IQs around the globe. With his rubbery physog and svengali stare, scientists have long held the opinion that Mr. Carrey has the ability to control small mammals, South American election results and even the weather during the month of August.
Having already expressed remorse for any violence Kick-Ass 2 may have inspired, the modest Canadian is convinced that the power of his art may have influenced others across his range of films. One only has to think of the millions of mask wearing pet detectives to appreciate the authority of his performances. One cinema historian explained the true significance of Carrey on popular culture: “Where would Virgin Media be without The Cable Guy? Big Brother without The Truman Show? Or frantic, homosexual cottaging without Mr.Popper’s Penguins?” What about The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? “That’s an exceptionally good movie…but no one saw it, so it doesn’t count.”
There is some hope that Mr. Carrey will be able turn his powers to good. A U.N. spokesman sent out this appeal to the actor/messiah: “Wherever you are Jim, we want you focus on future roles that will help combat the ills of the world. Surely terrorism could be countered by a few wide mouthed grins? Cancer is just one silly walk from being cured. And above all else, stop James Corden becoming the next Dr Who!”