The Truth about Goats
With a surprising rush of blood, for someone who has undergone two cardiac valve transplants, the Ex-but-soon-to-be-New Prime Minister seized the initiative today to declare his TV ambition. For many, replacing Julia Gillard was an act of electoral suicide by the Labor Party, but a master-stroke in getting George R.R.Martin’s attention. Mr. Rudd is now confident that it is only a matter of time until the fantasy author calls.
“It’s all part of an elaborate audition process,” explained one Labor MP. “Julia knows that. There’s no hard feelings. It’s not political, it’s artistic. Kevin just feels it’s time to move on and embrace new acting challenges. He’s not a vengeful, curmudgeon – he’s just channelling, Walder Frey. None of it’s real. Kev explained it to us beforehand. All the cameras, it’s just part of his showreel. This isn’t a caucus, it’s the ‘red wedding’. We only pretended to vote…what….pardon? What you mean, it’s ‘legally binding’? Kev said we were just …we were just role-playing! Shit…shit….oh…shit…No one in their right mind would ditch their leader three months before the General Election. What have we done? …I need to sit down..”
A spokesmen for HBO could not confirm that Mr. Rudd had been in contact: “This is all very strange. We’ve been getting a lot of nuisance spam-mail, from the Australian Embassy. All entitled ‘You like what you see?’. No actual text, just images. An elderly gentlemen. Usually stripped to the waist, covered in baby oil. Different poses but always waving a wooden sword. We have contacted the Police.”
The theatrical agent acting on behalf of Mr Rudd, released this statement; “It was with great regret that my client has taken control of the Iron Throne…I mean Capital Hill, for a second occasion. Australian politics can be pretty bloody at the best of times but that Catelyn Stark had it coming. And there is no truth to the rumour that my client is in pay of Tywin Lannister, who as far we know is going through painful divorce with Wendi.”