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“IDS offers new contraceptive”

Ian Duncan Smith is to offer a revolutionary new contraceptive to Britain’s poor. Despite the hefty ₤500 price tag, the “benefit cap” promises to reduce reproduction among the working-class.

English: Iain Duncan Smith, British politician...

The perfect contraceptive (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In addition to its birth control properties, the “cap” can guarantee a lowering in obesity by significantly cutting incidents of eating. Housing costs will drop, as skinnier tenants will require smaller rental properties to match their slender frames. Even unemployment will be halved, as a malnourished population will only have the energy to job share.

A spokeswoman for the Department for Work and Pensions said: “The Secretary of State has been experimenting with a range of fertility control methods and the cap is easily the most pleasurable. You can’t expect the Coalition to simply pull out this far into Government and they are certainly not going to finish themselves off. Besides which, we enjoying screwing the public so much that abstinence is a complete non-starter. We are resolute that this bare-back approach offers a greater level of intimacy with voters. They may catch the occasional IDS, but the electorate should be prepared to do it if they loved us.”

by @Wrenfoe


11 comments on ““IDS offers new contraceptive”

  1. Mike Sivier
    July 15, 2013

    Reblogged this on Vox Political and commented:
    Some readers may find this in questionable taste… but then, some of us find the government questionable all round, don’t we?


  2. thepositivevoice
    July 15, 2013

    Reblogged this on thepositivevoice.


  3. None of the Above
    July 15, 2013

    Not that I’m complaining, but why do you have it in for IDS so much


    • Wrenfoe
      July 15, 2013

      I’m sure Michael Gove would argue I give him a much worse time of it 😀


  4. Tony Duncan
    July 15, 2013

    Instead of trying hair brained schemes pertaining to artificial populafion control,TRY STOPPING UNCONTROLLED MASS IMMIGRATION YOU IDIOT.


    • Wrenfoe
      July 16, 2013

      “Hair brained” is a bit harsh on someone so follicly challenged 😀


  5. Pingback: "IDS offers new contraceptive" | Welf...

  6. paul8ar
    July 16, 2013

    Reblogged this on paul8ar.


  7. Pingback: “IDS offers new contraceptive” – UK #BenefitsCap | johndwmacdonald

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