The Truth about Goats
In a mark of solidarity with beleaguered football fans, the News International paper will be replacing their traditional topless models with hirsute football fans. Shirtless and standing soccer supporters are to be banned from Rio’s Maracana stadium, leaving The Sun as the last legitimate platform for “chestal exposure”.
The Sun will be running a World Cup diary, which also includes a countdown until various nubile football fans hit their 16th birthday. One photographer explained: “We are looking for a cheeky smile, ample moobs and an understanding of the offside rule.” Posing provocatively, with nipples erect, World Cup supporters will also provide a sound bite on current affairs; giving Page 3 a degree of gravitas.
Some say that this move away from young females is in response to the campaign group called ‘No More Page Three’, which has amassed 100,000 online signatures. However the Sun’s new editor, David Dinsmore, said his readers “wanted” a more over-weight, sun burnt and tattooed glamour model. Critics have said that the new features will demean and objectify football fans, but admit that the male South American football fan is considerably more appealing than their Geordie or Glaswegian counterpart. Caroline Lucas, Britain’s only Green MP, has made it clear she will not sporting a Brazilian during the World Cup.