Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

“Detroit bankrupt betting on Royal Birth”


The once great industrial city has been saddled with debts of at least $15bn after a series of audacious bets related to the Royal delivery. The Office of the Mayor of Detroit was forced to release a statement confirming that 70,000 properties and sizable pension funds had been gambled on the Duchess of Cambridge giving birth on July 15th to a “ginger”.

Detroit, abandon building

Detroit: Closed for business (Photo credit: dreaming_of_rivers)

With the collapse of its thriving automobile industry, Detroit had staved off liquidation by accurately predicting changes in domestic politics. Banking deregulation had allowed the city to use public funds to speculate with Ladbrokes on the frequency of high school massacres, “socialism” becoming a dirty word and the presidency transforming into a hereditary monarchy. Unfortunately increased pressure by creditors and the failed “proposition bet” that the first black President would be OJ Simpson, forced the city into speculating on UK long-odds events.

What should have been a straight forward due date, has become a protracted process for the British people. Ancient prophecies of no “rain, economic recovery or variation in tabloid front pages” until the arrival of the royal child have proven true. PM David Cameron has already expressed regret in agreeing not to wash, help the needy or evacuate his bowels for the entire gestation period. There have been reports of cannibalism and pagan rites among the camping members of the foreign press association. While Michael Gove has ordered a dozen academy school children to be ritually sacrificed daily to appease Celtic fertility gods.

Detroit has one last “parlays” bet still in play. Provided in the next two years we see a Lib Dem Government, England win Brazil 2014 and the British economy is bailed out by the Greeks; then the “Motor City” will win big. As for the Royal Birth, the nation is still on tenterhooks with Paddypower offering 9-1 on a phantom pregnancy generated by the weight of public expectation, 13-1 on “trapped wind” brought on by too much cheap larger or 5-3 on the bump being weight gain resulting from Kate’s penchant for “pork scratchings”.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,612 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 42,428 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: