The Truth about Goats
Heavy Metal aficionados have joined an online campaign to tempt the once great ‘weapon’s inspector’ for a farewell gig in Syria. The Swedish diplomat is famed for such songs as ‘Love Bomb’, the gangster rap ‘WMD OMG’ and the haunting madrigal ‘You lying sack of sh*t, Mr Blair’.
Speculation is rife that the chemical attacks near Damascus are part of promotional campaign for a Blix ‘Come Back’ tour. His agent confirmed: ‘Iraq, Pakistan, Syria…where ever there are neurotoxins, plutonium or bodacious tunes – Hans will be there.’ Teenage fans, or ‘Blixers’ as they are known, have been frantically tweeting about the possible concert and supplementing their discussion with erotic drawings of Mr. Blix and Harry from 1D.
While most agree that a UN inspection team ‘without the B-myster’ will not be the same, Blix is not without his detractors. The Bush Administration was very critical of Blix’s ‘Iraqi Prog-Rock’ years and accused the Swede of taking ‘hallucinogens’. Ironically Blixers see that period as his most experimental yet creative, pointing towards tracks like ‘Colin Powell spells love, not Colon’, ‘You broke my heart but irradiated Chernobyl’ and the nine minute mix of natural harmonics and Rick Wakeman keyboards – ‘George. If you think they have WMD, you might want to check your ledger.’