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‘Merrill Lynch saves African Americans from a life of white collar crime’


In an act of altruism, so typical of the Bank Of America, Merrill Lynch has purposely avoided employing minorities to shelter them from the trauma of a lengthy trial, acquittal and platinum coated redundancy. The BoA’s ‘wealth management division’ may be guilty of institutional inequality but they have bravely prevented generations of disfranchised Americans from becoming corrupted by wealth, opportunity and decent dental cover. 

Bank of America Tower

That’s a lot of glass ceilings  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

‘A day doesn’t go by without one of us appearing in court for fraud, corruption or a subprime mortgage clusterf**k,’ one Merrill Lynch executive explained. ‘I couldn’t get to sleep at night, in my gazillion dollar penthouse, if I let innocents get caught up in that kind of scandal’. In fact, African Americans are 80% less likely to be employed by Merrill Lynch compared to their white counterparts but are three times more likely to be seeing active military service. As one disgruntled employee said: ‘It seems I’m qualified to defend my country but not to join in a collateralized debt obligation boondoggle!’

Fifty years after Martin Luther King’s historic ‘I Have a Dream’ speech, Americans gathered at the Lincoln Memorial to salute the hope that ‘that all men are created equal…’; just provided one fifth is equal to one, the $7.25 minimum wage is comparable to the average CEO salary of $7,000 an hour and that being shot by Syrians is better than a job on Wallstreet.

by @Wrenfoe

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2 comments on “‘Merrill Lynch saves African Americans from a life of white collar crime’

  1. Mike Lince
    August 30, 2013

    I went along with the altruism of the banking industry to spare African Americans the humiliation of multi-million dollar fines right up until your final statement about being shot at by Syrians. Everyone knows the government deregulated banks in exchange for a quid pro quo to build up the feeble U.S. arsenal with more missiles. Americans don’t mind warfare as long as it is fought from air and ground based launch pads or with X-Box remotes. Manufacturers even mount video cameras on the noses of missiles so Americans can watch the action from the comfort of their living rooms.

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