Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

“Concussion not good for you’ – shocks scientists’

The National Football League (NFL) has made a discovery that has sent the medical world into confusion. Since 1920, thousands of American footballers haven taken part in an elaborate experiment to repeatedly ‘ram their heads together’ in the hope of generating an alternative source of energy. Much to everyone’s surprise the study has concluded that there was not enough kinetic force to ‘boil an egg’ but enough traumatic brain injury ‘to elect George Bush again’.

Marine Corps Maj. (Ret) Mike Fonteno got a sur...

Most team meetings are held in the A&E ward (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The initial data on cognitive impairment was inconclusive, as the tactics of the average NFL match already resembled the actions of a befuddled egg-plant. One doctor acknowledged: ‘Our suspicions were first aroused when we noticed that in no other sport do the participants dress like a marshmallows’.

Despite suffering no such head trauma themselves, fans regularly display the concentration of a distracted goldfish. So mind numbing is the NFL, that interest is only maintained through constant squad rotation between downs, intravenous infusions of deep fried fat and scantily clad women waving brightly coloured balls of string.

The medicinal properties of other sports have been long established, with tennis being a reliable cure for insomnia, ice hockey alleviating pacifism and cricket taming hyperactivity (and ‘the will to live’). However doubts are emerging that boxing may not be an effective cosmetic ‘cure for acne’. While rugby can treat abstinence it can also lead to what doctors call a ‘picasso-ing’ of the face. In turn, golf can help rid you of excessive wealth but it guarantees an existence dressed as a circa 1970’s pimp.

‘Obviously the easiest solution was for one of us to look up ‘concussion’ in the dictionary,’ admitted an NFL spokesman. ‘But you’ll be pleased to hear that much of the $675m of injury compensation will go to providing therapeutic activities for those in recovery; these include kickboxing, base jumping and Ferret Legging.’

by @Wrenfoe


2 comments on ““Concussion not good for you’ – shocks scientists’

  1. Mike Lince
    August 31, 2013

    …enough traumatic brain injury ‘to elect George Bush again’. Priceless! 🙂


Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,610 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 42,237 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: