The Truth about Goats
Kadir Nurman, inventor of the Doner, has died aged 80 but without revealing the secret ingredient behind his implausibly juicy meat. With his death, German police have been forced to close dozens of missing persons cases.
Initially he set up a stall in West Berlin in 1972, right next to a hospital incinerator. Although Mr. Nurman did not patent his invention, he did benefit from business links with Dignitas, Battersea Dogs Home and Mrs Schäfer’s donkey sanctuary. The Berlin restaurateur always denied connection to a dozen missing Cub Scouts in 1986, but for a short period ‘all the trimmings’ did include ‘woggles in chilli sauce’.
A spokesman for the Association of Turkish Doner Manufacturers said: ‘A great man has past away. And so hopefully have rumours that we are the reason that Panda bears are so scare. But I can confirm that the whereabouts of Mr. Nurman’s resting place is believed to be the stomachs of sixteen Dynamo Berlin fans.’