The Truth about Goats
Environmentalists have warned that due to over exploitation by the media, a rare but delicate pejorative suffix is soon to die out. The ‘lesser-spotted Gate’ once numbered in the millions in North America but for the past twenty years has been tagged onto ‘every lame-arsed story’ that needed a boost in sales.
The last known ‘Gate’ in captivity was wasted by the BBC in the early hours of the 16th of October. ‘The Press have lost all sense of perspective,’ lamented one ornithologist. ‘Watergate led to the resignation of a President. Whereas Plebgate led to someone getting off a bicycle. A bicycle! It’s not a scandalous cover-up if it involves trouser clips, a reflective vest and a slight genital chaffing!’
Scientists hoped to crossbreed the ‘Gate’ with the phrase ‘s**t storm’, but the destruction of its natural habitat amongst real journalists has meant that it is likely to be replaced by the archaic, but plentiful word ‘Portcullis’. Although Bristol Zoo claims to have discovered a relative of the species in a local news story concerning ‘the recent pilferage of a garden door by a slowing moving thief’; the ‘GateGaitGate’ is unlikely to be ever restored to the wild.