The Truth about Goats
While confusion still surrounds the demise of Andy Kaufman, the British public have united behind a plan to banish James Kimberley Corden from screen and stage. This action has been prompted by fears that overexposure to the award winning ‘actor’ may counteract the festive goodwill generated by the John Lewis advert, the sacking of John McCririck and closure of Michael Gove’s mouth for two weeks.
Over the past five years Mr. Corden have become synonymous with cut price DVDs, comedic tumbleweed and a nagging sense that there is ‘something better’ on the other channel. ‘It’s not that I hate the guy,’ said one viewer. ‘It’s just that he’s everywhere. I can’t even make love to my wife without seeing his smug face looming in front of me’. Corden’s agent has agreed that his client will take an ‘extended break’ under the pretence of having been ‘snuffed out’ by his imploding ego.
The hope is that Corden’s stance will encourage others to fake illness and thus save December TV from the Ghost of Christmas Past Mediocrity. ‘Yes it will leave a hole in our scheduling,’ admitted one TV executive. ‘But Kaufman had the right idea to quit while he was ahead. The longer people like Corden stay in the public eye, the more painfully aware we become that he is a chancer, with all the versatility of a tub of spam’. To this end the cast of Mother Brown’s Boys have decided to fake an asthma attack, Miranda Hart will develop a nut allergy and Downton Abbey will succumb to the ebola virus.