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‘Zimmerman mellows with age’

The American public have been reassured that George Zimmerman has moved from murderous racism to the merest hint of misogyny. Psychologists have acknowledged that pointing a shotgun at your girlfriend is a ‘step in the right direction’. His prison guards have also confirmed his predilection for slippers, the Archers and complaining about an ache in his joints.

Shotgun lessons

Husbands and wives should try to bond over the use of shotguns in the home (Photo credit: cinnamonsnow)

It is hoped that Zimmerman’s sexism will eventually give way to mild distemper and finally a slight propensity for sarcasm. This mellowing is part of a pattern of behaviour that has seen Zimmerman prefer comfortable sweaters and an afternoon nap rather than shooting anyone in a hoodie. Seminole County’s sheriff reported: ‘Mr Zimmerman is charged with aggravated assault, battery and listening to Radio Two’.

Since being acquitted of the killing of Trayvon Martin, Zimmerman has embraced walks in the countryside, taking an interest in the Antiques’ Road Show and domestic violence. A lawyer for Mr. Zimmerman said: ‘My client has displayed great restraint. As part of his recovery he has agreed to wear his glasses around his neck, watch Top Gear and to fortnightly punch a bald eagle’.


by @Wrenfoe

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