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Amazon to weaponize Xmas shopping


Fans of online shopping will soon see unmanned drones dropping a range of seasonal products upon their heads; with Syria already registering an interest in the express of delivery of 800 tonnes of ‘fake snow’. Chief Executive Jeff Bezos has promised, within five years, we can expect to see ‘Octocopters’ depositing 2.3kg packages on unsuspecting schools, wedding parties and terrorists in search of cut price DVDs. 

Red Cross Parcel

There’s nothing scary about having random parcels drop on your head (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The US Federal Aviation Administration is yet to approve the use of such drones, but admitted that they had already received applications for an Iranian long range ballistic parcel service. A spokesman for Amazon said: ‘While there will inevitably be deaths by ‘friendly delivery’, this is a small price to pay to preserve our freedom, counter terrorism and guarantee next day dispatch’.

Amazon have been exploring the commercial application for other military hardware, with a reduction in the amount of bubblewrap used with Armored Multipurpose Vehicles. In turn the Pentagon has expressed an interest in adopting the Amazon business model; this will include Kindle compatible battle plans, Black Ops Friday and a Chemical Wish List.

 

by @Wrenfoe

 

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