Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Stop and Search to be replaced by Slap n’ Tickle


While the inquest into Mark Duggan’s death may have exonerated officers, the Independent Complaints Commission is expected to recommend a radical overhaul of community policing, acts of foreplay and anything involving inflatable fruit. With over 27% of stop and search actions lacking ‘legitimacy’, the Home Office had strongly recommend a more flirtatious approach by law enforcement agencies.

Modern Policing

Modern Policing

The early 80s were blighted by a series of riots, set against backdrop oppressive policing, bad electro-pop and widening shoulder-pads. Likewise the civil disturbances in North London (2011) were significantly provoked by Duggan’s shooting, Brian McFadden’s solo career and Ann Hathaway’s use of Harem Pants. As one officer explained: ‘The moment that Chris Brown threatened to ‘Wet the Bed’ we knew we would have a riot on our hands.’

A spokesman for the Commissioner, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, promised ‘firm but fruity’ policing: ‘Yes, we will be slapping. But this will be tempered with genital tickling, followed by a light truncheon caress and a soupçon of taser titillation’. As protestors gathered on the steps of the Royal Courts of Justice shouting ‘No justice, no peace’, police officer’s replied with offers of ‘bump n’ grind’, ‘harlem shake’ and renditions of ‘how’s your father?’.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on January 14, 2014 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 547 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,841 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: