The Truth about Goats
While accusations of sexual harassment still persist, Baron Rennard of Wavertree has sensibly opted for the ‘Ryan O’Neal defense’ rather than sticking a big sign on his head saying ‘I love civil litigation’. Even a first year law graduate would have to admit that while apologising for a crime can be cathartic it would ‘ever so slightly’ give the impression that you ‘did it’, ‘you’re an horrendous arse’ and you have a ‘masochistic’ urge to be vilified in the press.
Although the internal inquiry, led by Alistair Webster QC, may have suggested that Lord Rennard respected ‘personal space’ like an octopus in a lift, the fact remains the Metropolitan Police dropped the investigation. This has not stopped party leader, Nick Clegg, demanding an act of contrition, thus setting the precedent that the Liberal Democrats must say ‘sorry’ for things they never did. Based on that premise, the public expect Lib Dems to soon apologise for ‘sticking to election promises’, ‘avoiding austerity’ and ‘not making every voter feel completely duped’.
Despite Mr. Clegg not feeling a twinge of ‘mea culpa’ for giving the Conservatives a blank cheque, he can at least tell his female membership he is tough on unproven crime and tough on the causes of unproven crime. It is hoped that Mr. Clegg’s novel interpretation of the judicial process will even permit people to apologise for future events; allowing Roy Hodgson to say sorry for England’s early World Cup exit, Simon Cowell for spawning the anti-christ and the BBC for all subsequent series of ‘Miranda’.