The Truth about Goats
With the death of notoriously guilt-free yet stunningly litigious Lord McAlpine, the emoticon formally known as ‘the smug one’ has emerged from exile. Although Sally Bercow, Alan Davies and the BBC may be counting the financial cost of defaming the Conservative Party deputy chairman while he was alive, twitter users have been trending ‘innocent faces’ like they had rediscovered the g-spot.
Despite internet rumours persisting about deceased members of the McAlpine family, the main excitement has been the reclamation of ‘Innocent Face’ for the use of irony, camouflaging flatulence and for French President’s denying affairs. The Department for Education has already promised to add to the emoticon to all policy statements by Michael Gove.
The former aide to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher may have lived with his name intact, but in death, the social media plan to give him the same respect normally reserved for a Miley Cyrus Swiss Finishing School. Manufacturers of the insincere emoticon are said to already be in discussion for the licensing of mock innocence; future clients may include the NSA, all former employees of The News of the World and James Corden’s agent.