The Truth about Goats
Since twitter rumours began circulating in December that the ‘King of Teen-Pop’ would be ‘officially retiring’, Justin Bieber’s management team have made no effort to deny the political aspirations of their boy-genius. It is a well known fact that incumbent, Rob Ford, can only engage the electorate with a series of drug-addled YouTube rants, while Bieber is able to offer backstage passes, the secret of great hair and an arrest record that would make Lindsey Lohan jealous.
Mayor Ford’s own musical career started well enough, with a traditional ‘rock n roll’ alcohol addiction but eventually floundered when he was diagnosed with ‘lame arsed’ asthma. Whereas Bieber’s latest drunk-driving drag-racing shenanigans are the clearest indication that he plans to woo voters with a heady mix of ‘fiscal responsibility’, ‘electoral reform’ and ‘d@*kishness’
Most political commentators agree that with a global fan base in the tens of million, ‘Beliebers’ are likely to significantly outnumber the six and half ‘Fordsters’ on polling day. Many people have naturally asked – how has Canada developed such a monopoly on anti-social behaviour, hockey violence and inability to hold their drink? Yet girls with low self esteem everywhere will attest that there is no greater incentive to stealing their parent’s postal vote, than the thought of Justin Bieber solving Toronto’s traffic congestion.