The Truth about Goats
What began a series of barely audible warning noises, has quickly become a front runner for the prestigious music prize. Having recently been painted black by its stylist, starred in an obligatory sex tape with Robin Thicke, Beeping Smoke Alarm (BSA) is set to be the most downloaded act of 2014 ‘once Dad has found the stepladder’
Although nominated for best newcomer, BSA has been quietly gathering dust in the spare bedroom for the last two years. It only came to the attention of talent scouts after its heavy duty battery ‘gave up the ghost’. As one critic explained: ‘To truly appreciate BSA’s oeuvre you need to be lying in a darkened room, suffering from insomnia and with a lightly sleeping newborn. That’s when BSA gets under your skin. The next thing you know, you’re jumping out of bed, armed with polo mallet!’
BSA’s static film installation depicting ‘its yellowing plastic shell’ next to a ‘broken loft hatch’ is neck and neck with One Direction for Best British Video – while also being nominated for the Turner Prize. Controversially BSA has been overlooked for ‘Best Tinnitus Impression’, in favour of Tom Odell.
Despite being disconnected from the mains, BSA has maintained its intermittent alarm, post-dubstep beat and its homage to Coldplay. As yet BSA has refused to be drawn on any collaboration with global pop stars but a high pitched beeping sound has been heard from Miley Cyrus’ groinal area. BSA’s manager confirmed: ‘Next year there were plans to release a CD of BSA being struck repeatedly by hammer, accompanied by the hysterical screams of a sleep deprived homeowner…but we think that’s too close to Bowie’s album’.