The Truth about Goats
Italian football fans were delighted to see an audacious extradition offer being made for the American ‘off-the-shoulder striker’. The transfer deal is said to eclipse the $4m paid for Ms. Knox’s memoirs, although it is still subject to a full medical, confession and DNA swab.
Nicknamed ‘Foxy Knoxy’ for her ‘mazey runs’ down the wing, ‘manipulation’ of the media and habit of ‘eating out’ of dustbins; she had initially assumed the late transfer request was just another one of Jose Mourinho’s mind games. However, Ms. Knox was said to be ‘sad and frightened’ that her contract to US Major League Soccer was ‘only a loan deal’. Meantime her former Italian boyfriend and co-murderer, Raffaele Sollecito, was said to prefer an immediate free-transfer to ‘anywhere over the Slovenian and Austrian border’.
Her agent would not confirm which Serie A club had obtained her services, but confided that it was a long terms deal stretching to at least ‘twenty years’. Ms. Knox admitted to having been tempted by the ‘opportunity’ to link up with Andy Carroll – through a last minute offer tabled by Sam Allardyce. However the West Ham deal was rejected in favour of a ‘small cell’, five-asides with the Polizia Penitenziaria and ‘all the potatoes she can peel’.
Like Paul Gascoigne before here, Ms. Knox is expected to excite Italian football fans with her tendency to ‘turn on the waterworks’. She has promised to arrive ‘kicking and screaming’, not unlike Mario Balotelli, and will do everything she can to avoid a last minute bid from Interpol or Harry Redknapp. As the transfer window closes and prison beckons, at least Ms. Knox can be assured of a warmer welcome than Marouane Fellaini at Man Utd.