Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Gove argues more schools should be like Hogwarts

In what was seen as tacit admission that the public sector was falling behind on OECD’s International Defence against the Dark Arts tests, the Secretary of State insisted that schools should adopt a curriculum of ‘facilitating subjects’ such as herbology, arithmancy and ‘mocking the ginger kid’. By abandoning vocational BTECs and returning to the Ordinary Wizarding Level, he argued, the education sector could return to the ‘halcyon days’ of tuckshop with Nanny and ‘flying classes with Madam Hooch’.

As easy to get into as a Grammar school

As easy to get into as a Grammar school

Based on his own educational experience of having transferred from a state school into a private college, Michael Gove made a ringing endorsement of Scotland’s most prestigious independent school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A spokesman for Department of Education said: ‘We can assure voters that the Ministry for Magic will not be siphoning off public funds to subsidize private schools. However there is a clear need in the secondary sector to extend the teaching day and offer extra-curricular frog choir’.

Given that many schools were forced to sell off their Quidditch pitches to pay for building working during the 90s, there persist some questions over how to achieve a huge expansion of the education sector while continuing to cut resources, funding and teachers. Rumours abound that non-qualified house elves will be employed as ‘class room assistants’. Mr. Gove refused to be drawn on the recent removal of Labour Peer Dolores Umbridge, but confirmed that Cornelius Fudge would continue as head of Ofsted.

Despite the worst schools in England belonging to an unregulated private sector, the Secretary of State for Education insisted that the common entrance exam would only be used ‘to weed out the Muggles’. Mr. Gove countered claims that private schooling was socially divisive by highlighting the broad array of staff at Hogwarts (including a ghost, a centaur and a goblin), but he refused to comment on the Headteacher’s sexual proclivity. He promised that the Hogwarts Express would continue to bring in under-privileged students from the inner cities; while scholarships would be available for any willing to fight ‘one on one’ with Voldemort.


by @Wrenfoe


3 comments on “Gove argues more schools should be like Hogwarts

  1. gogwit
    February 11, 2014

    Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog and commented:
    Enjoyed this piece. Good satire, where the veil between truth and the representation is as thin and transparent as that between the living and the dead at Samhain. Thanks for posting.


  2. westwickletimes
    February 11, 2014

    …what he said. Is Defence Against the Dark Arts training what they offered Tory MPs when Alistair Campbell had them in his sights?


Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


This entry was posted on February 11, 2014 by in UK Education and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,516 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 47,494 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2019

NewsBiscuit 15 Years of Typos

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: