The Truth about Goats
Despite being an integral part in the development of every Windows-based operating system, the Blue Screen of Death (BSoD) has not made the short list to succeed Steve Ballmer. Computer experts have been said to be surprised that the multinational corporation has opted for Satya Nadella’s ‘hard-core engineering skills’ rather than BSoD’s ability to frustrate, surprise and make ‘grown men weep’.
A committee used Bing to narrow the search down for Microsoft’s new chief executive to over 100 possible candidates, but were able to rule out the first ninety-nine as goat porn sites. Once they had settled on Mr. Nadella, it fell to BSoD’s long term friend and collaborator ‘Control-Alt-Delete’ to break the news that he had been overlooked. ‘Obviously he was upset,’ explained Control-Alt-Delete. ‘He’d been at the heart of every moment of faulty memory, overheating and cosmic bad luck in the last thirty years’.
A dented Xbox was asked to comment on the situation: ‘For someone to embody the finality of an experience in the way that BSoD did, is truly inspirational. However, investors were looking for future innovation and profitability, not the capacity to dump memory in violence-provoking yet seemingly arbitrary manner. While Mr Nadella has had no experience of running a company, it was felt that he at least was not an anthropomorphic concept dressed in blue’. Despite the ‘change at the top’ it is assumed that BSoD still has a role to play in helping Microsoft’s future customers to ‘contemplate suicide’, question the ‘existence of God’ and ‘extend expletives’ into uncharted territories of imagery.