The Truth about Goats
Despite the improbable nature of Tom Sizemore’s accusation that Liz Hurley had ‘an affair’ with the 42nd President of the United States, representatives of Shane Warne and Bill Clinton’s wife were quick to quash rumours that they themselves had succumbed to a 90’s liaison. While there is no direct evidence that Mr. Warne ever visited the White House, it has not stopped gossip columnists from suggesting that Mrs Clinton demanded a late night glimpse of his ‘googly’ in her ‘private residence’.
In another drunken outburst Tom Sizemore claimed that Mr. Warne, a former international cricketer, was the first bowler in history to take 600 Test wickets, be sponsored by botox and make Mrs Clinton ‘bark like a dog’. Meanwhile Yale Law School friends attest to Hilary Rodham Clinton’s long term admiration for ‘off spin’, ‘blonde highlights’ and ‘sledging by the creases’.
Shane Warne still claims he has no recollection of a tryst with the First Lady, as he spent much of the decade under the influence of ‘prohibited substances’. He prefers to focus on the legacy that he revolutionised cricket with his mastery of leg spin, extramarital affairs and taking money from bookmakers. However, even his agent admitted that his balls have not ‘twisted in the wind’ this much ‘since Mike Gatting’.
Other bizarre 90’s sexual pairings include Edwina Curry & John Major, Marge Simpson & Joey Tribbiani and Ant & Dec. While Liz Hurley’s own conquests, aside from Warne, have included ‘Hugh Grant’, ‘Steve Bing’ and ‘Gravity – while wearing a dress’. As implausible as a Clinton/Hurley match may have been, Ms. Hurley has not been helped by the fact her range of perfumes – Sensuous, Intuition, and Pleasures – are reminiscent of Bill Clintons’ impeachment charges. Chelsea Clinton has refused to comment on her parent’s lack of fidelity, other than admitting to having a ‘bit of sick’ in the back of her throat.