The Truth about Goats
Subsequent to the majority of England being submerged in 3ft of water, our Duck Overlords have made it clear that they will not be sharing the pound with an independent Scotland. Although the ‘Kingdom of the Aquatic Bird’ is relatively new, they have made it clear that it is not in any duck’s interest to continue to ‘subsidise’ failing Scots banks, ‘compromise’ interest rates or ‘stuff an orange up its own rectum’.
While stereo-types such as Donald, Daffy and Howard have perpetuated the myth of duck stupidity, most ‘feathered floaters’ would rule out any fiscal collaboration with Alex Salmond. A mallard spokesman explained: ‘Admittedly we are slightly inexperienced in managing a large economy , but even we know we are going have to re-apply for EU membership. Now that our reign/rain of terror has come to fruition we are looking to stabilize what remains of the British economy; which means focusing on grain, foraging for algae and avoiding Scotland’s pension time-bomb.’
The flooded remains of the UK can now look forward to fair and democratic duck-based rule, but it will signal an end to all duvet manufacture. An independent Scotland and its oil and gas reserves has very little to recommend itself to a UK population currently dominated by energy self-sufficient, ‘perfectly insulated’ ducks. The mallard said: ‘The only thing we have in common with Mr. Salmond is an embarrassing propensity for sticking ones arse in the air, while bobbing for bread crumbs.’