The Truth about Goats
While IRA fugitives and British soldiers may be granted immunity to prosecution for past crimes, most agree that the villainous Pardew should be ‘made an example of’. Decades of sectarian violence can easily fade from memory, but nothing can erase the searing image of a ‘grey haired cranium-cruncher’.
Pardew’s headbutt has been called ‘more provocative’ than the Bogside riots. Republican’s have long claimed the existence of collusion between security forces, loyalists and Alan Pardew’s forehead. One masked gunman, who wished to remain anonyomous, recalled: ‘Ah way during the 90’s ceasefire we were afeard that rubber bullets were still being used to quell protest. Aye, yer catch on – those bruises matched the big mawn’s head. The imprint of a face like a well chewed chop. It was yer mawn, Pardew!’
Despite a ₤100,000 club fine and an imminent F.A. ban, the Newcastle FC manager is still considered the greatest barrier to peace in Northern Ireland. Under the Good Friday Agreement, no Newcastle Manager can be prosecuted provided they agree to decommission their Premiership aspirations. Unfortunately Pardew has repeatedly flouted the terms of agreement by ‘winning the odd game’. The recent victory over Hull (1-4) and the subsequent headbutt are the clearest indication of a paramilitary-style wing to the Toon Army – The Provisional Wey-Aye-Aye.