The Truth about Goats
As Mark Johnston plans to sue a Las Vegas casino for allowing him to gamble $500,000 ‘while drunk’, the US Supreme Court is bracing itself for a myriad of civil actions based on the premise that intoxication makes responsibility invalid. Ms. Lohan is thought to be the first celebrity to use this legal loophole to gain recompense for ‘I Know Who Killed Me’, ‘Machete’ and her regular ‘guest’ appearances on ‘Judge Judy’.
Ms. Lohan’s fall from Disney poster-girl to ‘spokeswoman for Jägerbomb’ is well documented. What is less well known is – that were it not for cocaine, booze and probation violations – her acting career would have taken a very different turn. The multiple Golden Raspberry Winner confessed to Oprah Winfrey that her original intention was to be seen as a serious Shakespearean actress, hence her Lady Macbeth in ‘Herbie: Fully Loaded’. Likewise, Lohan mistaking a Playboy photo shoot for a production of Chekhov’s ‘Three Sisters’ was panned by critics for the ‘gratuitous nudity’ but also the lack of ‘sister on sister’ action.
Legal experts say there are wider implications for allowing drunkenness as a form of defence, as many tattoo parlours will be sued, marriages annulled and any ballot that includes Boris Johnson cancelled. Although historians agree that alcohol was to blame for Van Gogh painting ‘like a loon’, Joe McCarthy ‘instigating’ a communists witch-hunt and why Charles Kennedy ‘let’ Nick Clegg join the Liberal Democrats. Meanwhile Lohan still hopes to audition for the Betty Ford Center’s annual production of ‘One Flew over the Cuckoo Nest’.