The Truth about Goats
While the eyes of the world are turned towards finding Malaysia Airlines flight MH370, tension continues to mount for Mr & Mrs Nichols; who despite being in the second week of a package tour of the Algarve are still without their wheeled-travel bags. More than 20 nations have been asked to help search for the lost MH370 but the Nichols of Ventnor have been forced to manage without fresh underwear, three bottles of ketchup and that ‘sexy something’ Mrs Nichols had a agreed to pack as a ‘holiday treat’.
Naturally the Isle of Wight’s Lord-Lieutenant, Major General M S White CB CBE JP, has sent diplomatic requests for assistance, but as yet has received no replies other than a ‘shirty email’ from a representative for the Malaysian Prime Minister, Najib Razak, signed off with the phrase ‘rather busy atm!’. An island council spokesman said: ‘We are quite frankly disappointed by the lack of concern expressed by the international community. Malcolm and Barbara Nichols are well known residents of the Isle of Wight; who can forget their tireless contributions to the Botanical Gardens’ annual Bring & Buy sale? Goodness knows what they are going through right now.’
While Mrs Nichols has attempted to put a brave face on the holiday disaster, Malcolm is struggling to cope without his ‘special fungal cream’. Cheap polyester sheets coupled with the hot Portuguese climate, could result in Mr. Nichols reaching a crisis point of surreptitious ‘scratching’, ‘flaking’ and eventual ‘oozing’. Subsequently all natives of the Isle of Wight have been advised to avoid ‘foreign travel’, ‘foreign money’ and anything that looks suspiciously like it was ‘made after 1970’.
One aviation expert commented: ‘The mystery surrounding flight MH370 pales into insignificance next to the question of where the Nichols’ luggage is. Maybe terrorists, maybe some supernatural disaster – like some sort of Kraken…or maybe it just got sent to Malaga instead? Who knows? They are all equally plausible.’ Mr. Nichols has also reported the loss of ‘a packet of fruit gums’ but he admitted that they could have fallen out his pocket on the way to the airport.