The Truth about Goats
Following on from the debacle of sending off the wrong player in Chelsea’s 6-0 drubbing of Arsenal, this much maligned Premiership referee has cracked down on 1,200 supporters of the Muslim Brotherhood currently standing trial. Sports pundits are calling this ‘grossly disproportionate’, a human rights ‘outrage’ and a ‘poor interpretation’ of the offside rule. As one the largest mass death sentences of the twenty-first century. quite where this leaves Arsenal’s chances of silverware this season is unclear.
While Mr.Marrine has expressed some regret about the outcome, he has insisted that quashing Islamic militants will not change the outcome of the remaining title matches. After the sentencing, a spokesman for the referees’ body (Professional Game Match Officials Limited) said: ‘Incidents of mistaken identity are very rare, so I don’t think we need to worry ourselves too much if justice has been done. With slow motion replays anyone can make the right decision. But judges need to make snap decisions in the heat of the moment – often with the likes of Joey Barton getting in your face!’
While Arsenal midfielder, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, is reportedly ‘willing’ to own up to being the handball culprit, he would ‘prefer’ a short match suspension rather than take the place of five hundred death row inmates. A Uefa spokesperson said this kind of error could be avoided with more ‘goal-line officials’, an ‘independent judiciary’ and the ‘unbiased moderation’ of Big Ron Atkinson. The verdict now goes to Egypt’s supreme religious authority, the Grand Mufti but many claim he is a closet Spurs fan and is ‘more than satisfied’ with Arsene Wenger’s humiliation.