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New law to block online Porn disappointingly becomes the most downloaded law


What was intended as a bold move to stop the torrent of graphic images that reach our children may have inadvertently ‘fanned the flames’ of our desire for illicit material. Eight out of ten teenagers admit that on seeing the phrase ‘pornography sites to carry out age checks’, they just focused on the first word, started frantically clicking their mouse and ‘rummaging around for Klennex’.

Online Pussy Action

Online Pussy Action

Rather than deter ‘randy Brits’ the merest mention of ‘online sauce’ has got them a closing the curtains, licking their monitors and howling like ‘Russell Brand during a full moon’. A spokesman for the media regulator, Atvod, expressed frustration: ‘It’s almost as if every time we mention sex people start thinking about sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex! Short sex, hairy sex, marsupial sex -the public have a one track mind. Well let me tell you, this time we are going get down and dirty – we are going to give it to them long and hard – we are…hmmm…did that sound sexual to you?’

The UK government has already insisted on software filters but admitted ‘the more wrong it seems, the more we like it’. Employers have discovered that worker efficiency increases by 38% if you re-title business emails ‘penis enlargement’, ‘Katy Perry exposed’ or ‘The Chuckle Brothers visit the petting zoo’. Likewise there has been a 17% rise in applications to law school, on the off-chance that Porn Laws involve gratuitous nudity, men in wigs and a well-lubricated gavel.

As one prominent pornographer explained: ‘If you really want British youth to disengage with online filth, you need to rebrand it. Call it democracy, call it tidying your room or make it look like exercise’. Porn site operators responded to claims that 112,000 teenage boys had accessed one specific site and 23% regularly viewed adult porn, with shock, surprise and the phrase ‘Is that all?!?’

By@Wrenfoe

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This entry was posted on March 31, 2014 by in UK Crime, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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