The Truth about Goats
As the MtGox Exchange files for bankruptcy, virtual investors have been frantically looking for an alternative currency that could provide the twin qualities of stability and an ever present threat to bare feet. Naturally the interlocking plastic brick has been identified as an ideal replacement; offering both colour, durability and a perpetual ‘choking hazard’.
Since the Danes started manufacturing Lego in the 1950s, this colourful toy has managed to retain its value while other currencies have succumbed to inflation. With around 560 billion parts produced, there should be no problems maintaining cash flow to meet monetary demand. One city analyst explained: ‘Virtual currency is all very well but the public want something they can hold in their hand – or ideally turn into a miniature car with wings…with some guns! Some six year olds may be sitting on a fortune. And we advise all savers to dismantle their vacuum cleaner.’
The failure of the Bitcoin has led many to question the ephemeral nature of wealth and reconsider ‘some sort of barter system’ involving wooden beads. Post 1963 Lego pieces have been manufactured from resilient acrylonitrile butadiene styrene, whereas Bitcoins have been made solely of ‘dreams’, ‘rainbows’ and the ‘abstract scent of Scarlett Johansson’s pullover’. The analyst continued: ‘What this will do to the average pay-packet is unsure – but the average wallet will look decidedly lumpy. However, who doesn’t want their money on display in the form of a life-size Millennium Falcon?’
International traders admit that some Lego ‘will get lost behind the sofa’, but it will still be substantially less than the 744,000 bitcoins (£210m) ‘mislaid’ by MtGox. Lego have already confirmed that their six themed amusement parks will be transformed into High Street banks. While the Scotland’s President-in-waiting, Alex Salmond, has expressed a preference for a currency union involving tartan themed Duplo.