The Truth about Goats
While the Pentagon has heralded their newly themed ‘zero-fatalities-in-Afghanistan’ month, Servicemen in Texas have had to resort to murder-suicide to maintain an acceptable ratio of causalities to ‘bullets used’. The most recent gun rampage at Fort Hood is a part of a longer commitment to ensure that a quarter of all federal tax revenue still gets devoted to the military–industrial complex, that all citizens ‘dress in camo’ and that ‘duck and cover’ stays on the national curriculum.
The pull-out from Afghanistan has led to a decline in casualties and subsequent ‘peacenik-leftie-Obamacare’ sentiment. With an average of 89 firearms for every 100 residents and proudly boasting 80% of all global firearm deaths, the US needs to keep ‘tensions running high’. A spokesman for U.S. Department of Defense explained: ‘We can’t afford to fall out of love with the gun. The firearms industry alone is worth over $30bn a year. Arming military personnel, with known mental health problems, is the only way to make controlling 40% of the arms-trade to appear relatively sane.’
Despite firearms being banned at US Army bases, the National Rifle Association were pleased the Second Amendment allowed the gunman to obtain his weapon from ‘a local store’. An NRA representative said the tragedy could easily have been avoided: ‘In order to make folks feel safer – what we need is more guns. More guns, but in the right hands. We need to be arming ill-trained Afghanistan insurgents not US marksmen. Give a Taliban fighter a gun and he’s more likely to fire it in the air while dancing around a burning Stars and Stripes. Give a US marine a gun and he’s gonna do some damage’.