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Auto-industry admits ‘only the unicycle’ is safe

In a year that has seen General Motors (GM) recall 2.6m cars and Toyota 6.4m, there is a growing appreciation that the car is a glorified ‘casket on wheels’. Manufacturers have been forced to acknowledge that the only ‘fatality-free’ forms of transport are roller skates, space-hoppers and the ‘obligatory’ fireman’s lift.

GM executives give evidence

GM executives give evidence

With malfunctioning steering columns, air bags and engine starters, it is still unclear why so many automobile producers wanted to model their product ‘on a clown car’. This is particularly perplexing as other ‘circus-based modes of transport’ offer a much safer ride. Deaths by unicycle last year ‘were zero’, deaths by pogo stick – ‘ziltch’ and death by ‘riding on the back of a midget’ barely registered in the hundreds.

While it appears that the global car industry have compromised safety in pursuit of ‘more beverage holders’, at least unicycle manufacturers have continued to produce a ‘no thrills model’. The elimination of the ‘dangerous second wheel’ in the late 19th century did not quite ensure the same sale levels as the ‘horse-less carriage’ but it did make parking ‘easier’. A spokesman for GM said: ‘We always assumed four wheels good but we’re now reassessing. Which is why I’m pleased to announce our hybrid Uni-Cadillac for 2015. One wheel. One solar panel. No luggage…No friends’




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This entry was posted on April 11, 2014 by in International Business and tagged , , , , , , .

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