Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Syria was sooooooo last year!


Despite entering their third year of civil war many Syrians are starting to look drab, unwashed and unloved in comparison to fashionable parts of crisis-torn Eastern Europe. Once considered ‘quite the catch’, President Bashar al-Assad now has to wait in line – while coquettishRussian soldiers cavort before the world’s press; dazzling the Crimea with their ‘come to USSR’ eyes, Kiełbasa breath and balaclavaed good-looks.

Whatevers!

Whatevers!

Obviously this was not always the case and once upon a time Syrians could expect to receive regular texts ‘expressing concern’, ‘sad-faced’ selfies and ‘detailed weapon’s invoices’ from all of the UN Security Council. Yet a lethargy now surrounds the region, with the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW) reporting that the Assad government had only removed 65.1% of its declared stockpile. A spokesman for OPCW Director-General, Ahmet Uzumcu, said: ‘Okay, so there’s at least a third of all hazardous weapons potentially in use. But, you know, who cares? It’s not as if we live there. And quite frankly we could do with a little excitement’.

Meanwhile foreign diplomats have displayed the same powers of long-term memory normally associated with a ‘goldfish surrounded by brightly coloured string’, ‘a night of rohypnol’ or a ‘blow to the head with a polo mallet’. Although an Alawite by faith, President Bashar al-Assad has expressed ‘disappointment’ at being left off the US Christmas Card list for the second year in a row. A Pentagon official said: ‘Syria is a snoozefest. The Crimea is where it’s at, baby! Maybe if Assad was to ride bare-chested on a camel? Any chance they could host the next Winter Olympics? Thought not’.

Even the involvement of Lebanese Hezbollah, the al-Qaeda-affiliated al-Nusra Front and Harry from 1D has not managed to ‘spice things up’ for the waning labido of UN observers. Recently Reuters news agency defended its decision to replace Syrian coverage with adorable kitten photos, as ‘of greater interest’. The UN High Commissioner for Human Rights, Navi Pillay, strongly condemned: ‘…a thingy’ You know? A whatchamacallit!’ While the Syrian Observatory, a UK-based activist group, reported something or other about human rights….blah, blah, blah…torture….zzzzzzzzz.

 

by @Wrenfoe

facebook.com/FlibNews

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 548 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,928 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: