The Truth about Goats
With the same nagging self-doubt that accompanies the wearing of speedos on the beach, Nigel Farage is gradually becoming cognizant that his party’s vetting process shows all the caution of ‘a tramp on chips’. When UKIP candidate, William Henwood, suggested that comedian Lenny Henry might prefer to ’emigrate to a black country’ he may not have been referencing Mr. Henry’s birthplace of Dudley.
In the run up to the European Elections many fear the UK Independence Party has decided to replace ‘weird rhetoric’ with just plain ‘sinister’. Political observers have commented that rather than embrace their inner demons, UKIP prefer to nominate them for election. Naturally UKIP candidates were ‘hurt’ to discover their harmless misogyny, xenophobia and homophobia could be interpreted as anything other than ‘harmless japes’.
While 23% of voters are alleged to have given UKIP ‘serious consideration’, it should also be noted that a similar percentage of the public have also considered ‘attaching’ a vacuum cleaner to their genitals. A UKIP spokesman said: ‘When we compare Islam to the Third Reich, the Press automatically assume this is an unfavourable comparison. Far from it. We are big fans of Islam, the Third Reich and Euro-Disney. Anything that annoys the French is okay with us.’
Meanwhile the Eurosceptic party has embarked on high-profile poster campaign to position themselves on the ‘crazy-o-metre’ somewhere between Mayor Rob Ford and the Borgias. A friend of Mr. Farage explained: ‘Nigel’s candidates are just misunderstood. UKIP is about spreading the love. In the same way that invading the Crimea shows Vladamir Putin is all about the love. Bashar al-Assad is all about the love. Jimmy Savile was all about the…ooops – bad example’.