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Toxicology report confirms Peaches Geldof died of ’hereditary stupidity’


While the police have opened an investigation into who supplied the socio-political-ninny with a fatal dose of heroin, the wider question is who supplied her with the ‘idiot gene’. Having recently given birth to two sons, she is best remembered for dispensing wisdom like an inane fortune cookie and embarking upon the same measured life style choices that would have made Hunter S. Thompson proud.

England's Rose

England’s Rose

The true loss of Peaches to the world of media has yet to be calculated but many programmes with ‘OMG’, ‘BFD’ and ‘SWAG’ in the title are unlikely to get made. One socialite commented: ‘It’s ohhh so easy for privately educated daughters of millionaires, with nothing but a humble six-figure modelling career to survive on, to be forced onto the streets and into drugs. Other than her mother’s heroin overdose at 41,the media exposure of Peaches’ own drug use in 2010 and every re-run of Trainspotting – how was Peaches to know that consuming large or impure quantities of morphine could have any adverse effects on your health?’

As Saddam Hussein’s bullet-ridden sons will attest (via ouija board), it rarely pays to make the same mistakes as your fore-fathers. Most children opt not to follow in their parent’s footsteps, which why we rarely hear anything about Joshua Hitler. Only George W. Bush remains as the one clear success story – taking his father’s legacy of incompetence, warmongering and hate of broccoli to a whole new level of publicly endorsed voting fraud.

In 2006 Peaches was the first person to be listed in Tatler’s list of Top Ten Fashion Icons and The Early Learning Centres list of Top Spellers. A police spokesman said: ‘Obviously if some working-class mother had overdosed it would be her own selfish fault. But this was nice girl from a nice background. Clearly some grotty working-class pusher is behind this tragedy’. However future cases of ’hereditary stupidity’ should be easily preventable, now that any ovary belonging to Paris Hilton, Sarah Palin or a Kardashian will come with brightly coloured health warning packaging.

by @Wrenfoe

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This entry was posted on May 8, 2014 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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