Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

World reacts with ‘surprising’ speed to Nigerian abduction – one month later

With the coiled energy of a tortoise on Prozac, the international community has sprung to the aid of the frantic families of over 200 missing Nigerian schoolgirls. As most crime-fighting agencies will attest, the most auspicious moment to investigate a kidnapping is at least a month after the event. Like a good wine, a banker’s pension scheme or the humour of James Corden – hostages improve with time.

Like lightning!

Like lightning!


It is a well established fact that evidence, witness reports and genital rashes are all best ignored. A spokesman for the White House said: ‘It doesn’t pay to rush these things. These kids could just have been skipping class. A month is no time at all. After all, it took the US two years to join in WW2 and nobody noticed. What’s the hurry?’

The latest kidnappings in the village of Warabe, in north-eastern Nigeria, have generated the same urgency displayed by a three-toed sloth wading through treacle. The Obama administration has sent combination of military, law enforcement and a fleet of high-speed tractors to deal with the incident. Meanwhile the British Foreign Office has placed the kidnapped schoolgirls on their list of priorities, just below climate change, prosecuting tax evaders and finding Madeleine McCann.

Each kidnapping has involved gunmen seizing animals, food and then lounging around for a fortnight ‘before anyone notices’. One Black-Ops agent explained: ‘We prefer a softly, softly approach. We like to call it “the Savile technique” – we carefully ignore all pleas for help, evidence of wrong doing or creepy looking haircuts…then at the last moment we wait …and then wait some more, for the target to die of natural causes…and..then…WE STRIKE!’ He added: ‘We’ll get round to this as soon as we’ve found the Lindbergh kid’.

By @Wrenfoe


Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,430 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 43,568 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2019

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: