Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Cuts to legal aid force barristers to a life of crime


With the threat of industrial action still imminent many of the UK’s judiciary have taken to ‘racketeering’, selling ‘get out of jail free’ cards and indiscriminate ‘wig larceny’. In order to support their justice ‘habit’, barristers now offer a range of bespoke services including the ‘kidnapping of witnesses’, the ‘forging of sentences’ and ‘pole dancing with a difference’.

One of these guys is a crook

One of these guys is a crook

Typical courtroom advocacy has been replaced by standing on a soap box, with a fake ‘cockney patter’, selling ‘knocked off electrical goods’. Pupillage now entails six months of shadowing senior practitioners on series of ‘house breaks’, ‘muggings’ and ‘stealing the lead off church roofs’. One trainee lawyer, suffering from a ruptured colon, admitted to being used as a drug mule to smuggle a dozen ‘illicit gavels’ into Chambers.

Police report increasing numbers of High Court Judges lurking by bus-stops intimidating elderly travellers. Stenographer attest to seeing one barrister offering a ‘10% discount on perjury’ to any member of the House Of Commons, Disc Jockey from the 1970s or member of the cast of Coronation Street. The penal system is so woefully underfunded that many criminals have been forced to conduct their own trials – or The Leveson Enquiry as it is known in laymen’s terms.

 

by@Wrenfoe

facebook.com/FlibNews

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on May 12, 2014 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 549 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 35,261 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: