Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Coca-Cola to remove controversial drinks ingredient – Water

The world’s leading beverage-maker has bowed to pressure to ban the use of the mysterious chemical compound simply known as ‘H2O’. Nutritionists have long questioned what are the benefits to the consumer of high-fructose corn syrup, to have their ‘sugary buzz’ diluted by ‘a clammy molecule’ containing one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms? Future Cola Cans will contain a powdery substance which can simply be swallowed, injected or ‘snorted off the thighs of a comely wench’.


A thing of the past

The removal of the liquid content of their product may prove controversial but market analysts have said there is already precedent with McDonalds removing all vitamins from their food during the 80s, the ‘banning of irony’ in US Foreign Policy and the Lib Dems removing ‘all soul’ from their manifesto during 2012-14. A Coca-Cola representative admitted: ‘I’ve heard so-called scientists claim that water is essential to life on Earth but it provides no calories or organic nutrients. The public want their caffeine and phosphoric acid served to them naturally. This watering down of a pure product is simply a waste of good caramel colour’.

Coca Cola is attributed with not just with the branding of a contoured bottle design but also with the contemporary image of Santa Claus as a jolly old man, in a red-and-white suit with blackened teeth and type-three diabetes. Having removed brominated vegetable oil (which is found in flame retardant) from their fizzy drink, an embargo on water (the ultimate flame retardant) is the next logical step. By 2025 more than half of the world’s population will be facing a water shortage, meaning the ‘share a coke’ slogan may not be feasible if they were to retain the moistened ingredient. Approximately one billion people still lack access to safe water, but fortunately no human being is ever more than fifty yards away from a soft drink vending machine.

by @Wrenfoe


Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,436 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 43,970 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2019

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: