The Truth about Goats
While still denying his part in the 1972 IRA murder of mother of 10 Jean McConville, the republican politician acknowledged his part in a systematic campaign of ‘sustained grumpiness’. Hiding behind his beard Mr. Adams told a packed news conference that he had ‘willingly’ slamming doors in the Northern Ireland Assembly, had deliberately left Mary Lou McDonald to ‘finish the washing up’ and covered Martin McGuinness’ fridge with ‘arsey post-it notes’.
The director of public prosecutions Barra McGrory is yet to confirm if Mr. Adams can be brought to trial for using the phrase ‘fine – whatever!’ throughout the Northern Ireland peace process. Recently released Cabinet files reveal Mr. Adam’s voice ban in 1988 was actually just him giving the then Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, ‘the silent treatment’.
By expressing his anger through non-compliance, Mr. Adams has acquired a reputation as a tough negotiator. Unfortunately his ‘withholding’ technique has yet to result in Irish unification through diplomatic means and he is regularly heard to mutter -‘ Right, we’ll stay, does that make you happy?’. When asked to decommission IRA weapons during the 1990s he replied ‘I didn’t know you meant now!’, refused to compliment John Major’s wife on the buffet and knowingly ‘left the No.10 toilet lid up’.