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Thai military to also offer mail-order bridal service

As the army take control of Thailand’s government, martial law is set to extend to marital law – less of a coup more of a ‘Cooeee!’. With lady-boys in combat gear seen marching through the streets of Bangkok, it has become clear to all ‘romantically challenged’ westerners that a tougher regime of dating is in the offing. For some, this may be the path to true love – provided you like ‘camo makeup’, the threat of imminent violence and ‘getting fisted with a grenade’

General Sirichai Distakul

General Sirichai Distakul


Via reputable websites, the discerning 40-something divorcee can find himself a new bride from a range of armed forces. From the lowliest infantrymen right through to ‘sexy’ officers offering ‘ping pong fun’; all tastes are accommodated. Even the Commander-in-Chief, General Prayuth Chan-ocha, appears on one dating website: ‘…looking for cuddles, walks along the beach and illegal seizure of power’.

The Royal Thai Army claims to have imposed martial law ‘to preserve law, order…and bring happiness to over-weight men from Bradford’. Soldiers have taken control of media outlets, closed roads and block booked ‘all the best wedding venues’ in a fifty mile radius. While there have been at least 11 coups since 1932, this is the first time Military Chiefs have had a chance to ‘meet Mr Right’,

Japan has already expressed ‘concern’ about ‘seating, flower and orchestral arrangements’ at any ceremony. Acting Prime Minister Niwatthamrong Boonsongphaisan insisted his government would not resign but agreed to attend any subsequent weddings provided he could be ‘maid of honour’. Mail order marriages are notoriously prone to failure but most soldiers are confident in finding a love-match while armed with an UZI submachine gun.




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