Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

70s BBC not my fault, says grateful Pope


As Pope Francis embarks on his ‘World Tour of Apology’, it is becoming abundantly clear that ‘Mea Culpa is more like ‘Tua Culpa’; with his own motto ‘Miserando atque Eligendo’ crudely translating as ‘It wasn’t me, Guv!’. Meeting with various sex abuse victims, the pontiff was quick to remind people that the Catholic Church was substantially ‘less evil’ than the BBC and had no connection with ‘Yewtree’ allegations, ‘Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps’ or ‘ordaining James Corden’.

People wait for the Pope to deliver Mass, followed by a bloopers reel

People wait for the Pope to deliver Mass, followed by a bloopers reel

While the Holy Father has been ‘deeply saddened’ at having to atone for decades of Catholic crime, he was upbeat at ‘not having penned Blurred Lines’. A Vatican spokesman admitted that the Church ‘had enjoyed’ early episodes of ‘Lost’ but was not responsible for the final season: ‘There are a lot of things we should feel sorry for or a sense of guilt but Steven Gerrard slipping against Chelsea is not one of them. Neither is the Bishop of Rome accountable for any Star Wars prequels, Windows Vista or Sarah Palin’.

Having attempted to repair relations in the Middle East, Pope Francis told journalists that the Church needed to face up to their part in ‘ugly crime’, such as choreographing Miley Cyrus’ latest concert. A spokesman confirmed: ‘We were just trying to get down with the kids. The whole twerking thing was misinterpreted. It was just the Sacrament, midget choir boys and with a little bit of Sister Wendy thrown in for good measure’.

Wishing to distance himself from any more scandals that might rock the Church, the Pope was quick to emphasize that no amount of prayer would halt England’s inevitable humiliating exit from the World Cup next month. He did however confide that he had been complicit in Vice President Dick Cheney ‘shooting a guy in the face’ in 2006, as it was ‘too funny’ an opportunity to miss.

 

by @Wrenfoe

facebook.com/FlibNews

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 547 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,841 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: